2 Corinthians 12:8-10 (HCSB)
8 Concerning this, I pleaded with the Lord three times to take it away from me. 9 But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. 10 So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, catastrophes, persecutions, and in pressures, because of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. -shared from biblegateway.comI was reminded of this scripture yesterday in service. I was also reminded of so much pain that if the Lord had not been with me through it all, I would surely not be able to even speak of it still, much less speak of it the way I do now...with peace in my heart.
I am certain I mentioned some of this in some of my first postings, however I am going to touch on it again. Back in 1998 shortly after I was married I found out I was pregnant. I remember that moment as one of the happiest moments of my life. I was just 19 years old, already married and full of dreams of starting my own little family and being like " The Waltons". I was ready to buy baby clothes right away, it did not matter that I had almost 9 months left to go. What I did not know is that although my body was holding on to the pregnancy, the baby had never developed into more than a string of cells. I was pregnant for 12weeks before I learned I would not hold my baby in my arms on this earth. After being scheduled for a second sonogram to make sure I had no over estimated the timing, I learned for certain the miracle I had prayed for, had not come. There would be no baby this time. I was stone cold at that time, numb from the wound I had just suffered. Straight away I cursed the Dr. and angrily asked God, "HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN? WHAT HAD I DONE SOOOO WRONG TO DESERVE THIS?"
Years of my life I was truly away from God though I still believed He existed and defended Him on occasion I also used His name in vain and I lived my life by "if it feels good do it." and "you only live once, be happy no matter the cost." I was in misery and so alone in my heart. I knew of God as the one who takes away...not really the One Who gives. After years of pain and two divorces I met my husband and we became pregnant before marriage. Almost the EXACT same loss was suffered and then after we married we suffered two more losses. At this time in my life I had just given my life to Christ and became a true believer. I stood in faith this pregnancy would stick each time through pain and through symptoms of miscarriage. After God sent a faithful servant of His who was a nurse practioner, we finally got answers and no matter how you look at it, it was God Who gave us our first baby together. The first three months of her life in the womb were a HUGE deal to me, since this was the time I had always had a miscarriage in the past. When we heard her heartbeat the first time I was so overwhelmed I had no words, but I was praising God inside.
Through many kinds of tremendous pain, I learned one thing to be true and I never put it that way till I watched a service online from the church we began to attend after our recent move. What I learned is God is still God no matter what. No matter the pain I face, God is still God!
There is NO doubt in my mind He is good. And this is not because after the losses and first successful pregnancy I learned the right way to hold my tongue the right way while standing in faith. My 10year old still is still fighting through ADHD, ODD, PTSD and many other traits for various other "disorders", I still learned I had melanoma and had surgery(praise God melanoma free today!), I still fight depression, anxiety and addictions. I still battle my tongue that speaks out of the anger, resentment and bitterness I fight. And in April 2014 I found out I was diagnosed with a brain tumor(non-cancerous). There are many more tedious details of pain and struggle but what matters is where my hope lies. My hope is in Him, it was in Him the day I learned that I could potentially never look or move the same again after the surgery I was told I would have to have to remove this lie from satan that was expanding territory in my brain, My faith is STILL in Him when I got the most recent report from the ENT surgeon after my recent MRI which said, the tumor is stable. My faith is still in Him after not receiving any medical treatment and the same Dr. who read the previous scan read this one and put the size of the tumor as tenths of a centimeter smaller than last time! I do not know margin for error, but I DO know God and even without treatment ALL things are possible through Him. Should the report change for the worse in the future....God is still God and still good all the time! The Dr.s still want me to have the crainiotomy and my symptoms say they are right, in the natural things are not lining up for that to be a possibility and I struggle to hear His voice over the noise around me. But I have peace in my heart and know that there is time, even though time in the natural makes surgery harder IF it were to grow again.
Now, the real of who I have been through my decision to trust in Him and stand in faith placing my hope in Him. I have been one heck of a brat! I am certain that the pains I feel have not been dealt with properly often. I have taken them and tried to do it on my own in my own strength and I have exploded in anger at people. This does not change my belief in Him, nor does it mean I don't place my hope in Him. It simply means I have anger at the trial I am going through. Through these struggles I HAVE seen and felt my peace, strength and patience grow. I have also seen and felt my anger leaving me. I admit I have thought and and asked God, " Why so many trials?" I ask that with the answer already flowing through me as I speak. They are allowed because I am being refined and I am growing.
For You, God, tested us; You refined us as silver is refined.Isaiah 48:10
Look, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.
Daniel 11:35
Some of the wise will fall so that they may be refined, purified, and cleansed until the time of the end, for it will still come at the appointed time.
Many will be purified, cleansed, and refined, but the wicked will act wickedly; none of the wicked will understand, but the wise will understand.
I will put this third through the fire; I will refine them as silver is refined
and test them as gold is tested. They will call on My name, and I will
answer them. I will say: They are My people, and they will say: Yahweh
is our God.”
A Living Hope
3 Praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. According to His great mercy, He has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead 4 and into an inheritance that is imperishable, uncorrupted, and unfading, kept in heaven for you. 5 You are being protected by God’s power through faith for a salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.6 You rejoice in this, though now for a short time you have had to struggle in various trials so that the genuineness of your faith—more valuable than gold, which perishes though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
SO...for me...I stand FIRM in my faith that God is good. I trust Him and I believe my time on this earth will never end short of me fulfilling HIS plan for my life which I know is good because
God is not a man who lies, or a son of man who changes His mind. Does He speak and not act, or promise and not fulfill?
and since He cannot lie, then I know His word which says in
Jeremiah 29:11-13
For I know the plans I have for you”—this is the Lord’s declaration—“plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. You will call to Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.
is true and...
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