The Billy Joel song " Tell Her About It", this song used to play on the radio when I was a child very often and it is a catchy song...one that popped into my mind after I did my grocery shopping today. I was thinking how many times myself and others as well, have said " I shouldn't have to tell him, he should know." Well sister, there is not too many of us women that would not agree with you on that one...BUT, as obvious as it is to us, it apparently is not obvious to him.
Through reading a lot of books about how men think, not as scarey as I thought, I learned he just doesn't think like me...in many things he doesn't think like me in the slightest. If I look like a pack mule he is not thinking "What can I do to lighten her load." This doesn't make him a bad guy, and some men do think that way and some have "purposed themselves to think that way." Chances are most men who help the "pack mule" wife/momma have been asked to help enough times they get it or someone else has put a little word in their ear.
Our words need to be sweet and tender even if we just came from the battlefield of the supermarket, where people park their carts on one side and shop from the other, meet and greet their long lost buddies in the middle of a popular isle, tantrums erupt at the worst possible moments, children try to run amok, important items are out of stock, employees are rude, you leave without half the things you came for and get things that were not on your list...budget....psssshhhh. Then you get home loaded with children and bags and no one is there to help...but they want to be everywhere you are. This is a moment for a prayer for peace, and to have HIS words only. Breath deep and rewind to the parking lot. While in the parking lot, use that trusted cell phone and call those waiting at the house...if there are any, and ask for them to be ready to help you unload. If you forget this step just get a few things and ask for help POLITELY as you enter the home. In time this will become habit and all will be well...at least on the home front.
But this goes so much deeper than the grocery store, it touches every area of our lives. He more than likely won't know unless we tell him. Think too, is what I am telling him or asking of him his responsibility or mine? For instance, the saying "Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part." We should not expect our spouse to jump and run because of our poor planning. It is not their fault for our mistakes, we can however ask them to help us in our areas of weakness. If we get side tracked from the goal easily we can ask our spouse to remind us in love we are not working toward the current goal, BUT we should not blame our spouse if he does not see us off track.
For many women, they say, I tell him day in and day out to take out the trash(etc) and he just never does it unless I ask. There are many things to look at there. Are we asking or nagging? Do we appreciate when he completes the task? Is this a task he is okay with and if not is there something else he can swap out with? Some men are just not going to do it without being asked and some will not do it at all...BUT GOD is in the people changing business, so we truck on and put our eyes on HIM. Trusting HE will see us through.
I am sure men have things they think we should just know too. I know for me if my husband needed something from me I was not doing, I would want him to tell me, and tell me as often as he needed to. I don't want him feeling his needs are not being met.
When in doubt in any situation in life...Bible it out. What does the Word say?
Luke 6:31
Just as you want others to do for you, do the same for them.
Psalm 19:14
May the words of my mouth
and the meditation of my heart
be acceptable to You,
Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.
Philippians 4:8
Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise,dwell on these things.
Ephesians 5:6-14
6 Let no one deceive you with empty arguments, for God’s wrath is coming on the disobedient because of these things. 7 Therefore, do not become their partners. 8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light— 9 for the fruit of the light results in all goodness, righteousness, and truth— 10 discerning what is pleasing to the Lord. 11 Don’t participate in the fruitless works of darkness, but instead expose them. 12 For it is shameful even to mention what is done by them in secret. 13 Everything exposed by the light is made clear, 14 for what makes everything clear is light. Therefore it is said:
Get up, sleeper, and rise up from the dead,and the Messiah will shine on you.
I am about to start another book, I will share what I personally gain along the way and how I am applying what I have learned. The book is titled " Do Your Kids A Favor...Love Your Spouse" by author and speaker Kendra Smiley and John Smiley.
http://www.kendrasmiley.com/shop/category/book/
Friday, June 28, 2013
Thursday, June 27, 2013
The dreams
I am a very vivid dreamer and I have learned to tell the difference between what I call "pizza dreams" (those which have no purpose and make no sense whatsoever) and dreams with meaning.
I spoke with another woman once and she informed me she had a terrible dream. She explained she woke up feeling as if she had cheated on her spouse. She knew it was wrong to feel guilty since she could not control her dreams and she had not so much as even thought of the man in her dreams before let alone imagined a relationship outside her marriage.
Hearing the story of her dream reminded me of some dreams I have had as well. In these dreams a woman feels overwhelming love for her. She feels secure, needed, valued, an asset, protected and just plain special. Also in these dreams life is "perfect" not meaning NOTHING goes wrong but that what does go wrong is handled the way I believe God intended a relationship to go. A disagreement is settled in a sit down discussion with no heated words, Both parties respect each other and work not to agree the other is correct but to understand their point of view and explain their own. The disagreement is settled and even if the woman doesn't get "her way" she leaves feeling understood and appreciated.
I believe these dreams often come when we as wives, feel we are missing something in our relationships. Our needs are being met in a dream. It has NOTHING to do with who is meeting them, it has everything to do with identifying the weaknesses we see in our relationship. This doesn't mean it is our spouse's fault for these weaknesses either.
When we think back to our wedding day, our spouse made a conscience decision to say "I do". Our spouses do love us and more than likely they do not want to hold anything back from us. Yet for some reason something is missing.
Now there are many deep rooted issues which could be the cause. Issues going all the way back to childhood...but let's just look at the ones we have a part in.
For me personally, I have a hard time showing my feelings if I have I showed them and was then hurt. After several times of this I become..."numb". My being numb seems like I am being "cold", unloving and disrespectful. If I am feeling numb my husband is going to feel unloved, unappreciated and like he is not even in our home. He once had shared with me he felt like he didn't even exist. It was hard to hear that, since my intent was not to make him feel that way. My numbness was not a punishment to him it was a defense for me.
Part of the issue I deal with sometimes daily is pride and fear of looking like a fool. Though we are told not to go by our feelings, feelings are real and must be addressed.
Pride...I fight pride because in areas I have been hurt I feel I do not want to give what is needed to my spouse because it is "undeserved" it has not been earned. BUT I will NEVER receive the "perfect" as it was in the dream if I am not willing to swallow the pride, completely forgive and keep on trying. I may fail at times, and I need to forgive myself too. If I wait around for him to understand and respond the way I need him to, we risk not only losing our marriage but also raising children who see marriage as a work commitment with no love and no respect. I do not want that for my children. Yes marriage is work, but it should not look like strictly a work relationship.
Fear of being played the fool... I have had a tendency to believe most people are staring at me and thinking..."what a fool, she actually believes ______. She has no clue that _____ is going on." I at times am even afraid my husband has some secret side to him where he is laughing at me for trying too. "She actually believes I am telling the truth. Fooled her, ha ha!" Hey I am honest. Some may think that is a paranoia others are saying, " I get that." We each as wives have our own areas of weakness.
So what to do? Well God is always Awesome in the ways He works and He had been preparing me, as He always is. So I pray daily for His wisdom in my life...He is very faithful and always shows me what I need, sometimes I don't hear Him at the time, but I look back and see where He showed me and it just amazes me.
God loves us and He loves our spouses equally, even when they hurt us, and even when we hurt them. Most of us do not do things intentionally to harm our spouses, we just don't know how to respond. I had a moment where I did not know how to respond recently. I froze solid, I could not say anything bad (praise God) and I could not say anything good. My silence was known, but the reason for it was not, then after a minute...which felt to me like an hour, I respond how I felt. Then I removed myself because I could feel my anger creeping up and I began to pray silently. "God, I don't know how to respond." I explained how I knew what HIS Word said to do, and what my husband needed me to do, but I just did not know how to make myself do it. My husband then said he would give me space and in my alone time I prayed quietly out loud for God to show me how to move forward. Then I felt HE wanted me to serve my husband, to rub his feet and legs which are often tired from the work he does. I am not saying my husband had done anything wrong, just that my feelings were crushed and I felt like he was wrong, again this is not about him it is about me. It took very little strength after all the prayer to do what I felt the Lord had asked me to do, even with my feelings hurt. My husband was shocked that I would come and give him a massage after telling him how hurt I was...but "I'm not who I was." We were able to communicate peacefully and all was well again.
After our talk, the next day things seemed to be right back where they were before our talk. During our trying times I held my tongue and spoke only when I needed to. My grid I run things through goes like this "Is what's going on REALLY worth saying anything over, will it change anything for the better? Is what I am about to say going to lift up or tear down? Are the children going to hear what I am saying and see me as the one in charge? I am not perfect at using this, but when I do it goes well.
When we are alone I quietly and peacefully talk to him about what I am seeing. I ask questions to understand why things are happening the way they are. I hear him say he feels the way I do. He is not seeing or feeling love from me so it is hard for him to show it back. The old me would have came back hard at him with all the ways I show my love...BUT I remember and hear him in my mind saying" I don't talk to you about what I am upset with you about because you always tell me I am wrong.." So the enemy tries to come in to this discussion and he says to me.." But he is wrong...you do show love." BUT the still small voice says..." you show love the way you see it...but how does he see it?" So I ask him what he is lacking, what is it he needs from me to feel the love I am trying to show him. I later explain how I do feel I show love and the ways in which I feel I am showing it. To my surprise he agrees those are things I do and things which show love, and he needs those things too....but that is not ALL he needs. So neither of us are wrong, we just need to understand what it is that is needed. When we both feel it is hard to show love to the other when we are not seeing it returned, one of us needs to give in and show it anyway...and it seems from my side this is like a teeter totter, he gives when I am not and I give when he is not...but sometimes there is a balance and we are both giving at the same time. The balance is what my goal is. In order to meet that goal I must give all the time, all is a strong word, but I need to purpose myself to the all, I will fall short at times but the goal is ALL. If I am always giving and he is always receiving then even if he is stubborn he will come around in time and it will be mutual. My prayer is he sees this too and wants to always give so we get to the goal faster...BUT my commitment is to "do unto him as I would have done unto me." EVEN if it is not returned.
And that is my thoughts for today.
Scriptures copied from www.biblegateway.com the HCSB version
Luke 6:31
Just as you want others to do for you, do the same for them.
Ephesians 5
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, 23 for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. 28 In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, 30 since we are members of His body.
I spoke with another woman once and she informed me she had a terrible dream. She explained she woke up feeling as if she had cheated on her spouse. She knew it was wrong to feel guilty since she could not control her dreams and she had not so much as even thought of the man in her dreams before let alone imagined a relationship outside her marriage.
Hearing the story of her dream reminded me of some dreams I have had as well. In these dreams a woman feels overwhelming love for her. She feels secure, needed, valued, an asset, protected and just plain special. Also in these dreams life is "perfect" not meaning NOTHING goes wrong but that what does go wrong is handled the way I believe God intended a relationship to go. A disagreement is settled in a sit down discussion with no heated words, Both parties respect each other and work not to agree the other is correct but to understand their point of view and explain their own. The disagreement is settled and even if the woman doesn't get "her way" she leaves feeling understood and appreciated.
I believe these dreams often come when we as wives, feel we are missing something in our relationships. Our needs are being met in a dream. It has NOTHING to do with who is meeting them, it has everything to do with identifying the weaknesses we see in our relationship. This doesn't mean it is our spouse's fault for these weaknesses either.
When we think back to our wedding day, our spouse made a conscience decision to say "I do". Our spouses do love us and more than likely they do not want to hold anything back from us. Yet for some reason something is missing.
Now there are many deep rooted issues which could be the cause. Issues going all the way back to childhood...but let's just look at the ones we have a part in.
For me personally, I have a hard time showing my feelings if I have I showed them and was then hurt. After several times of this I become..."numb". My being numb seems like I am being "cold", unloving and disrespectful. If I am feeling numb my husband is going to feel unloved, unappreciated and like he is not even in our home. He once had shared with me he felt like he didn't even exist. It was hard to hear that, since my intent was not to make him feel that way. My numbness was not a punishment to him it was a defense for me.
Part of the issue I deal with sometimes daily is pride and fear of looking like a fool. Though we are told not to go by our feelings, feelings are real and must be addressed.
Pride...I fight pride because in areas I have been hurt I feel I do not want to give what is needed to my spouse because it is "undeserved" it has not been earned. BUT I will NEVER receive the "perfect" as it was in the dream if I am not willing to swallow the pride, completely forgive and keep on trying. I may fail at times, and I need to forgive myself too. If I wait around for him to understand and respond the way I need him to, we risk not only losing our marriage but also raising children who see marriage as a work commitment with no love and no respect. I do not want that for my children. Yes marriage is work, but it should not look like strictly a work relationship.
Fear of being played the fool... I have had a tendency to believe most people are staring at me and thinking..."what a fool, she actually believes ______. She has no clue that _____ is going on." I at times am even afraid my husband has some secret side to him where he is laughing at me for trying too. "She actually believes I am telling the truth. Fooled her, ha ha!" Hey I am honest. Some may think that is a paranoia others are saying, " I get that." We each as wives have our own areas of weakness.
So what to do? Well God is always Awesome in the ways He works and He had been preparing me, as He always is. So I pray daily for His wisdom in my life...He is very faithful and always shows me what I need, sometimes I don't hear Him at the time, but I look back and see where He showed me and it just amazes me.
God loves us and He loves our spouses equally, even when they hurt us, and even when we hurt them. Most of us do not do things intentionally to harm our spouses, we just don't know how to respond. I had a moment where I did not know how to respond recently. I froze solid, I could not say anything bad (praise God) and I could not say anything good. My silence was known, but the reason for it was not, then after a minute...which felt to me like an hour, I respond how I felt. Then I removed myself because I could feel my anger creeping up and I began to pray silently. "God, I don't know how to respond." I explained how I knew what HIS Word said to do, and what my husband needed me to do, but I just did not know how to make myself do it. My husband then said he would give me space and in my alone time I prayed quietly out loud for God to show me how to move forward. Then I felt HE wanted me to serve my husband, to rub his feet and legs which are often tired from the work he does. I am not saying my husband had done anything wrong, just that my feelings were crushed and I felt like he was wrong, again this is not about him it is about me. It took very little strength after all the prayer to do what I felt the Lord had asked me to do, even with my feelings hurt. My husband was shocked that I would come and give him a massage after telling him how hurt I was...but "I'm not who I was." We were able to communicate peacefully and all was well again.
After our talk, the next day things seemed to be right back where they were before our talk. During our trying times I held my tongue and spoke only when I needed to. My grid I run things through goes like this "Is what's going on REALLY worth saying anything over, will it change anything for the better? Is what I am about to say going to lift up or tear down? Are the children going to hear what I am saying and see me as the one in charge? I am not perfect at using this, but when I do it goes well.
When we are alone I quietly and peacefully talk to him about what I am seeing. I ask questions to understand why things are happening the way they are. I hear him say he feels the way I do. He is not seeing or feeling love from me so it is hard for him to show it back. The old me would have came back hard at him with all the ways I show my love...BUT I remember and hear him in my mind saying" I don't talk to you about what I am upset with you about because you always tell me I am wrong.." So the enemy tries to come in to this discussion and he says to me.." But he is wrong...you do show love." BUT the still small voice says..." you show love the way you see it...but how does he see it?" So I ask him what he is lacking, what is it he needs from me to feel the love I am trying to show him. I later explain how I do feel I show love and the ways in which I feel I am showing it. To my surprise he agrees those are things I do and things which show love, and he needs those things too....but that is not ALL he needs. So neither of us are wrong, we just need to understand what it is that is needed. When we both feel it is hard to show love to the other when we are not seeing it returned, one of us needs to give in and show it anyway...and it seems from my side this is like a teeter totter, he gives when I am not and I give when he is not...but sometimes there is a balance and we are both giving at the same time. The balance is what my goal is. In order to meet that goal I must give all the time, all is a strong word, but I need to purpose myself to the all, I will fall short at times but the goal is ALL. If I am always giving and he is always receiving then even if he is stubborn he will come around in time and it will be mutual. My prayer is he sees this too and wants to always give so we get to the goal faster...BUT my commitment is to "do unto him as I would have done unto me." EVEN if it is not returned.
And that is my thoughts for today.
Scriptures copied from www.biblegateway.com the HCSB version
Luke 6:31
Just as you want others to do for you, do the same for them.
Ephesians 5
Wives and Husbands
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, 23 for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. 28 In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, 30 since we are members of His body.
31 For this reason a man will leave
his father and mother
and be joined to his wife,
and the two will become one flesh.
his father and mother
and be joined to his wife,
and the two will become one flesh.
32 This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.
1 John 3:16
1 John 3:16
[ Love in Action ] This is how we have come to know love: He laid down His life for us. We should also lay down our lives for our brothers.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Stand...
Galatians 5:1
I am not sure about others, but for me I need to not only communicate with the Father daily, but I also need my strong in faith Christian sisters to lift me up too. I need the ones who don't just say "Oh poor you." I need the ones that give a hug, give some words of empathy or sympathy then I need the "prepared for battle girl" speech. The don't stay focused on this, focus on HIM speech. I have also placed a scripture, and I need to place more, on a popular location...my kitchen cabinet above the sink. This scripture reminds me to pray harder than I complain, to take the energy I waste complaining and put it into prayer.
I know there are many people who feel as if they are cheated if they do not get to complain to the fullest extent...but complaining only robs us of energy, time and it makes us get into a negative mode. Often when we complain frequently to our loved ones, we rob them of their energy too. We are not being cheated when we recognize what was done to us was wrong, but that there is not anything we can do to erase it or to change the person who hurt us, then to look at what we can do in ourselves to make sure when it happens again...cause it usually does, we are prepared to STAND in what we have learned and be salt and light. We cannot allow the enemy to rob us of our time and our peace.
Remember the enemy is NOT the person hurting us, it is the one working through that person, satan. satan has already been defeated, the only power he gets in our lives is what we give him. That doesn't mean he can't attack us, just that he only wins if we fall and lose sight of God, His will and plan for us. satan's plan is not just to cause us pain, he just wants what he does to us to cripple us in spirit, so he, himself only wins IF we let him cripple us.
Christian Warfare
10 Finally, be strengthened by the Lord and by His vast strength. 11 Put on the full armor of God so that you can stand against the tactics of the Devil. 12 For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens. 13 This is why you must take up the full armor of God, so that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having prepared everything, to take your stand. 14 Stand, therefore,
18 Pray at all times in the Spirit with every prayer and request, and stay alert in this with all perseverance and intercession for all the saints.
Christ has liberated us to be free. Stand firm then and don’t submit again to a yoke of slavery.
Find others of like mind who are giving of their time to encourage and up lift you, and you do the same for them.
Philippians 1:27
Perhaps the hardest thing...after finally applying the biblical principals we have learned is to STAND.
I commonly get so excited at the new revelation I have received...and even more excited when I see that I have applied it well and I am walking it out...BUT then comes the enemy. he is all smiles (and deserves no capital letters, not even in the beginning of a sentence) The enemy wants to steal what I have grasped and he knows just the people to use to make me want to crumble...and wobble I do as my knees weaken and my heart breaks yet again. Years of even my previous half standing in faith have wearied me. BUT Christ strengthens and as long as I keep my eyes on Him I will not fall, I will not surrender to what once kept me in bondage.
Find others of like mind who are giving of their time to encourage and up lift you, and you do the same for them.
Philippians 1:27
Just one thing: Live your life in a manner worthy of the gospel of
Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or am absent, I will hear about
you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind, working side by side for the faith that comes from the gospel,
Perhaps the hardest thing...after finally applying the biblical principals we have learned is to STAND.
I commonly get so excited at the new revelation I have received...and even more excited when I see that I have applied it well and I am walking it out...BUT then comes the enemy. he is all smiles (and deserves no capital letters, not even in the beginning of a sentence) The enemy wants to steal what I have grasped and he knows just the people to use to make me want to crumble...and wobble I do as my knees weaken and my heart breaks yet again. Years of even my previous half standing in faith have wearied me. BUT Christ strengthens and as long as I keep my eyes on Him I will not fall, I will not surrender to what once kept me in bondage.
I am not sure about others, but for me I need to not only communicate with the Father daily, but I also need my strong in faith Christian sisters to lift me up too. I need the ones who don't just say "Oh poor you." I need the ones that give a hug, give some words of empathy or sympathy then I need the "prepared for battle girl" speech. The don't stay focused on this, focus on HIM speech. I have also placed a scripture, and I need to place more, on a popular location...my kitchen cabinet above the sink. This scripture reminds me to pray harder than I complain, to take the energy I waste complaining and put it into prayer.
I know there are many people who feel as if they are cheated if they do not get to complain to the fullest extent...but complaining only robs us of energy, time and it makes us get into a negative mode. Often when we complain frequently to our loved ones, we rob them of their energy too. We are not being cheated when we recognize what was done to us was wrong, but that there is not anything we can do to erase it or to change the person who hurt us, then to look at what we can do in ourselves to make sure when it happens again...cause it usually does, we are prepared to STAND in what we have learned and be salt and light. We cannot allow the enemy to rob us of our time and our peace.
Remember the enemy is NOT the person hurting us, it is the one working through that person, satan. satan has already been defeated, the only power he gets in our lives is what we give him. That doesn't mean he can't attack us, just that he only wins if we fall and lose sight of God, His will and plan for us. satan's plan is not just to cause us pain, he just wants what he does to us to cripple us in spirit, so he, himself only wins IF we let him cripple us.
Christian Warfare
Ephesians 6
10 Finally, be strengthened by the Lord and by His vast strength. 11 Put on the full armor of God so that you can stand against the tactics of the Devil. 12 For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens. 13 This is why you must take up the full armor of God, so that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having prepared everything, to take your stand. 14 Stand, therefore,
with truth like a belt around your waist,
righteousness like armor on your chest,
15 and your feet sandaled with readiness
for the gospel of peace.
16 In every situation take the shield of faith,
and with it you will be able to extinguish
all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
17 Take the helmet of salvation,
and the sword of the Spirit,
which is God’s word.
righteousness like armor on your chest,
15 and your feet sandaled with readiness
for the gospel of peace.
16 In every situation take the shield of faith,
and with it you will be able to extinguish
all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
17 Take the helmet of salvation,
and the sword of the Spirit,
which is God’s word.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
The kind of "lay off" ya want, and need
I have said it before and I have heard it before..." Would you just lay off already?" In other words, let it go, give me some space, I'm not taking all you are saying too well.
Through quiet time alone with God today I was reminded of why it is important to "lay off" sometimes.
We "lay off" not because the person we are "laying into" doesn't need to hear what we have to say, not because they don't need an awaking or a revelation and not because they should be allowed to go on hurting us or others. They need us to "lay off" because God needs to be able to work.
God can do ANYTHING but He asks us to leave certain things to Him alone because He works with the will of the other person. He will not go against a person's will, sooo if we are making the person discouraged, angry or even vengeful, their will changes. They may go from wanting to change to feeling like a victim themselves or feeling entitled to this sin or hurtful act. When we back off...even if we have already tampered with God's plan, He can then go in and fix what we have done and heal the person. The longer we mess with God's plan for healing the person, the longer the person stays in their sin and the longer we and they are hurt. There are times God says speak and He will give us encouraging words. His words will never be condemning, convicting but not condemning. Many of us have a hard time not condemning when we have been hurt, and especially then it is best to "lay off".
When I believe I heard from God that things in my life were going to change for the better I was shown that through the testimonies of others, my past experiences with trying to do it on my own, and other details not involving me, my "laying off" was going to make what would take a decade or more be over in practically no time.
I believe so much of the rapid progress through tough areas of my life as happened because I daily pray God's will and not my own, I read His word, I listen for THE still small voice, I do not listen to the voice of the stranger or even my own and I obey what I read and hear . Now I say this and I want to make it clear...the listening AND obeying is not 100%, but each time I stumble I learn and I get closer to the 100%, because I will not repeatedly make the same mistakes. I will never be 100%, because I am not God, but that is not going to discourage me from working toward 100%. It is easier to lose obedience then it is to gain it and if I get discouraged over not being perfect I will not hear as well and then progress diminishes till I "get it" again.
So is there someone we need to "lay off" of? All of our best efforts can never amount to what God is capable doing in just one tiny moment. The only questions are who do we trust more, the creator of Heaven and earth or ourselves? Who has the consistent track record? With Who are all things possible?
God Bless
Isaiah 55:9
Friends, do not avenge yourselves; instead, leave room for His wrath. For it is written: Vengeance belongs to Me; I will repay, says the Lord.
Matthew 19:26
But Jesus looked at them and said, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.
Leviticus 19:14
Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.
1 Peter 2:15
For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men.
*Everything I share and most things we learn all have "exceptions". I never pretend to have all the answers BUT the things I have done which work have come from the place with all the answers...The Word of God. The problem with sharing any message or testimony is there are questions each person may have which may go unanswered, one person may hear/read something one way while another hears/reads it another way. These different views are based on past experiences in our lives. What I am sharing cannot be shared in great enough detail to cover all bases.
Through quiet time alone with God today I was reminded of why it is important to "lay off" sometimes.
We "lay off" not because the person we are "laying into" doesn't need to hear what we have to say, not because they don't need an awaking or a revelation and not because they should be allowed to go on hurting us or others. They need us to "lay off" because God needs to be able to work.
God can do ANYTHING but He asks us to leave certain things to Him alone because He works with the will of the other person. He will not go against a person's will, sooo if we are making the person discouraged, angry or even vengeful, their will changes. They may go from wanting to change to feeling like a victim themselves or feeling entitled to this sin or hurtful act. When we back off...even if we have already tampered with God's plan, He can then go in and fix what we have done and heal the person. The longer we mess with God's plan for healing the person, the longer the person stays in their sin and the longer we and they are hurt. There are times God says speak and He will give us encouraging words. His words will never be condemning, convicting but not condemning. Many of us have a hard time not condemning when we have been hurt, and especially then it is best to "lay off".
When I believe I heard from God that things in my life were going to change for the better I was shown that through the testimonies of others, my past experiences with trying to do it on my own, and other details not involving me, my "laying off" was going to make what would take a decade or more be over in practically no time.
I believe so much of the rapid progress through tough areas of my life as happened because I daily pray God's will and not my own, I read His word, I listen for THE still small voice, I do not listen to the voice of the stranger or even my own and I obey what I read and hear . Now I say this and I want to make it clear...the listening AND obeying is not 100%, but each time I stumble I learn and I get closer to the 100%, because I will not repeatedly make the same mistakes. I will never be 100%, because I am not God, but that is not going to discourage me from working toward 100%. It is easier to lose obedience then it is to gain it and if I get discouraged over not being perfect I will not hear as well and then progress diminishes till I "get it" again.
So is there someone we need to "lay off" of? All of our best efforts can never amount to what God is capable doing in just one tiny moment. The only questions are who do we trust more, the creator of Heaven and earth or ourselves? Who has the consistent track record? With Who are all things possible?
God Bless
Isaiah 55:9
For as heaven is higher than earth, so My ways are higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.
Romans 12:19Friends, do not avenge yourselves; instead, leave room for His wrath. For it is written: Vengeance belongs to Me; I will repay, says the Lord.
Matthew 19:26
But Jesus looked at them and said, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.
Leviticus 19:14
You must not curse the deaf or put a stumbling block in front of the blind, but you are to fear your God; I am Yahweh.
Romans 14:13
Therefore, let us no longer criticize one another. Instead decide never to put a stumbling block or pitfall in your brother’s way.
Psalm 37:5
Psalm 37:5
Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.
Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.
1 Peter 2:15
For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men.
*Everything I share and most things we learn all have "exceptions". I never pretend to have all the answers BUT the things I have done which work have come from the place with all the answers...The Word of God. The problem with sharing any message or testimony is there are questions each person may have which may go unanswered, one person may hear/read something one way while another hears/reads it another way. These different views are based on past experiences in our lives. What I am sharing cannot be shared in great enough detail to cover all bases.
Friday, June 14, 2013
Fake it till ya make it???
We need to dump the stinking thinking and grasp what God says about us. We are more than conquerors through Christ, Romans 8:37, because we have a Savior who loves us so much He died for us. When He left us in physical presence God sent down to us a comforter, THE Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit dwells with in us and though we are human and we fall short, with God on our side...who can be against us....SOOOO we press on toward the mark...Philippians 3:14. We each have specific calls but if we are a wife/mother that is a calling too.
The Bible has so much to say about being a wife and a mother. There are many books people have written who have studied the Word, if a woman feels she doesn't have time to do her own study she can read a book written by a trusted author and be enlightened.
But what about when we KNOW how we ought to be but we just can't seem to get it walked out???
15 For I do not understand what I am doing, because I do not practice what I want to do, but I do what I hate.
Well if this is you...you are not alone. I feel so close to Paul in many of the words he shares, this one in particular has been one I have sat and thought on many times... Why is it, I know what to do, I want to do what I know to do, but I let my flesh take over and I just can't control my tongue?
Well the answer is painful...I had been living in flesh more than in the Spirit. Now before anyone gets angry...I used to spend HOURS in the Bible every day. I would study and memorize, pray, go to church every time the doors were open, surrender daily if need be and I still was not able to shut my mouth. There is hope if this is you too.
It took me many failed attempts to fix things in myself and others only God could fix...Finally when I was feeling pretty low and not sure how I could keep on smiling...I looked up for good...Now that is not to say I do not have times I try to take the reigns from God and steer this little wagon on my own, BUT I know better now and I let go usually before I get in over my head and bust a wagon wheel. I let go and let God.
In the past I tried to let go and let God, but I failed, because of pride. I was beat down so low by the things the devil was doing through so many around me, I could not even tell I had pride. There is a difference between being humble and being beat down. I did not want to let go, well I did, but I felt if I truly did they would win. " Oh Father give me grace to forgive them, cause I feel like the one losing." I can't truly say I don't feel like the one losing when I first let go...but I let go now because I have let go enough to know I am NOT the one losing. The only way to truly win is to let go...and the WIN is really not the big deal to me in the sense that I defeated a person...it is a big deal to me because I defeated the enemy who's intent was to steer me off course and get me wrapped up yet again in what has been done to me.
So why "fake it till you make it"??? Well I personally do not like that line...I prefer " Practice makes perfect." well close to perfect. So when I should I now, stay quiet, I now show care when none is shown back, I smile more even when the war wages on inside my head. When the war wages I heard God's Word confirming silence or lack of action is best. I know I have the victory and I finally see how to receive it. I can't JUST claim it, I can't just claim it and speak a verse. Claiming the victory is an action or lack of action, not a verbal response, not just a heart feeling... it issurrendering my will and letting HIS be done...that's the victory.
Matthew 6:10 (HCSB)
Your kingdom come.
Your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
The Bible has so much to say about being a wife and a mother. There are many books people have written who have studied the Word, if a woman feels she doesn't have time to do her own study she can read a book written by a trusted author and be enlightened.
But what about when we KNOW how we ought to be but we just can't seem to get it walked out???
Romans 7:15 (HCSB)
Well if this is you...you are not alone. I feel so close to Paul in many of the words he shares, this one in particular has been one I have sat and thought on many times... Why is it, I know what to do, I want to do what I know to do, but I let my flesh take over and I just can't control my tongue?
Well the answer is painful...I had been living in flesh more than in the Spirit. Now before anyone gets angry...I used to spend HOURS in the Bible every day. I would study and memorize, pray, go to church every time the doors were open, surrender daily if need be and I still was not able to shut my mouth. There is hope if this is you too.
It took me many failed attempts to fix things in myself and others only God could fix...Finally when I was feeling pretty low and not sure how I could keep on smiling...I looked up for good...Now that is not to say I do not have times I try to take the reigns from God and steer this little wagon on my own, BUT I know better now and I let go usually before I get in over my head and bust a wagon wheel. I let go and let God.
In the past I tried to let go and let God, but I failed, because of pride. I was beat down so low by the things the devil was doing through so many around me, I could not even tell I had pride. There is a difference between being humble and being beat down. I did not want to let go, well I did, but I felt if I truly did they would win. " Oh Father give me grace to forgive them, cause I feel like the one losing." I can't truly say I don't feel like the one losing when I first let go...but I let go now because I have let go enough to know I am NOT the one losing. The only way to truly win is to let go...and the WIN is really not the big deal to me in the sense that I defeated a person...it is a big deal to me because I defeated the enemy who's intent was to steer me off course and get me wrapped up yet again in what has been done to me.
So why "fake it till you make it"??? Well I personally do not like that line...I prefer " Practice makes perfect." well close to perfect. So when I should I now, stay quiet, I now show care when none is shown back, I smile more even when the war wages on inside my head. When the war wages I heard God's Word confirming silence or lack of action is best. I know I have the victory and I finally see how to receive it. I can't JUST claim it, I can't just claim it and speak a verse. Claiming the victory is an action or lack of action, not a verbal response, not just a heart feeling... it issurrendering my will and letting HIS be done...that's the victory.
Matthew 6:10 (HCSB)
Your kingdom come.
Your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Insecurities
Insecurities tend to show up quickly when the "new" of a relationship wears off. This is one of the reasons I think it's best to take a relationship slow and still have plenty of time apart from one another...not just time away while at work, real time away. Do what it is we did before, remembering we are in a relationship. This was not the path I ever chose but this is the path I have seen and heard is best, I feel it's best in my heart too.
In the relationships I had before my husband, I was called many things...one most common name was "crazy" and "psycho". Although even at that time in my life I do not agree with the names, I now see why they were said. I was very jealous and that is an understatement. I had no trust for any man, but I always felt fine till things got "serious". I seemed like two different people. One was loving and sweet, the other mistrusting and controlling. No one ever saw it coming...not even me. Which is why I was surprised that when I met my husband I never became that "crazy psycho". Did I EVER get jealous? Yes, a couple times when he would work late several times in a row I would say, " If you are cheating on me, I will kill you." Hey I was far from Christ, and although I would have been heart broken, I was not truly crazy and psycho and I never meant I would REALLY kill him.
Then even that jealousy subsided as I learned his character more. Never really dating each other and being married after a little over a year of knowing each other had us learning things about each other we should have already known.
Now I said I would not mention sins of another person, but I do feel that mentioning we both brought in mistrust to our marriage is important. Both of us had been cheated on and lied to. It was hard at times to look past what had been done to us and see that we were no longer living in that abuse.
Bringing this type of insecurity into a relationship even when on the outside it is not shown, still causes internal conflict which does show it's ugly head on the outside in other forms. One of my boys was diagnosed ADHD, ODD and PTSD with some symptoms of Aspergers as well. At home he has been wild and at times uncontrollable. At school he was calm and cool. He tells me he holds it all in at school then lets loose at home. Dr.'s say this is common because at home, even though there is punishment, children still feel safe so they relax. I said that to say we as people are much like this...it's kind of like squeezing one of those squishy toys, sure we are making one part small but it has to bulge out somewhere else. If I hold in the jealousy instead of "taking out the trash" as one pastor called it, I will erupt in another area.
Each insecurity must be identified, acknowledge that it will cause strife and sin, OWNED, and prayed on...worked on...worked out and let go.
Owning our own insecurity to me is very essential to working it out and letting it go. I battle many insecurities. When I was a child I was a lot like my boy who holds it together at school. Part of what my son and I battle is being "socially awkward". We can over talk, talk over, change subjects, stay on subjects when others have moved on, take over, say awkward things most people do not say, over explain etc. This plus big 80's hair and hairy arms caused me a lot of grief in school. Plus I was usually a teachers pet. I had few friends and those friends never really wanted me over after school. When school was out teachers pet was gone and I was abusive to my friends...I could have been the creator of AFV. I would do Three Stooges type things to them and wonder why they were angry...I mean it was funny...to me. I think I was almost 20 or even older before I looked back and saw what I had done to my friends. Even though this was my problem it caused me to feel alone and singled out. That feeling caused many insecurities, along with the normal teasing kids did. My name is Sheri and I was raised in the time period of WWF and Scarey Sherry...not cool, my last name rhymed with stutter...it was not fun times. But not owning these insecurities would cause me to blame my husband for my feelings of insecurity. He would have to be Jesus to make me feel secure all by himself.
Many men and women have a hard time realizing their spouse cannot fix them. It is not their spouses responsibility to walk on egg shells so that they do not feel insecure. My husband can tell me I am beautiful all he wants and I still see arms that I want to stay tan so the hair is lighter, a nose I never liked, big hips...etc etc. He can't fix what was broken inside me for so many years. This is a me problem, I still battle at times, but now I have a relationship with the one who created me and I see myself more through His eyes and 95% of the time, I only feel ugly when I ACT ugly.
We also must encourage our spouses to work out their own insecurities and not make us their savior. The world around us is full of stress and taking on the burden of being someone's savior, which we can never be, is adding stress to our lives. That stress will add to arguments in the relationship, arguments which may not even be about the insecurity, we may just nit pick something else because the "bulge" is popping out somewhere else.
I deal with insecurities with acquaintances and friends as well. If I may have been taken the wrong way but I was not addressed and someone just pulls away, I want to go and fix things...things which may not be broken. I trust the Holy Spirit in this area now, most of the time I believe I hear " Leave it alone, if they do think this about you, it is better they learn this is not how you are then for you to hunt them down and tell them you are not this way." It's hard, but I can't live my life walking on egg shells either. Most of this world communicates through typing/text now, this leaves much room for misinterpretation. Many people will not call someone or even ask what the person meant, they will just assume it was meant this way or that way. Our lives would be wasted if we spent all the time it would take to figure out the intent of every remark we COULD take the wrong way. We need to just let it go.
All marriages are work, whether we bring our pasts in or not. The key they say, is to NEVER talk about walking out. No matter how mad you are, no matter how emotionally hurt (physical abuse is another matter), you work it out. A married couple is a partnership and both should remember that. They are not enemies they are partners. Couples will not agree all the time, BUT understanding each other is important. There are times I do not need my husband to give in and go with what I want, I just want him to see why I want things to go a certain way. When he gets what I am saying but still makes a different choice I am okay, not thrilled, but I support that choice and it becomes OUR choice. In the area of insecurities, we do not turn our back on our spouses insecurities, we acknowledge them and support them in working them out, but we do not allow ourselves to be blamed for the insecurity.
I realize some spouses have infidelity issues. This would cause an insecurity in a spouse, one in which the offender is responsible for causing. Both parties need to take their share of the responsibility. Although a spouse was unfaithful, that again does not make them the savior. What has been done has been done. The only thing the offender can do is stop, repent, never do it again and be a support as the victim heals. I hope the choice is to always stay and work things out, and if that choice is made then the victim must realize in order for things to get better the issue must be laid to rest. It is amazing the peace our TRUE Savior can bring when we ask. They say He is in the restoration business, and I like that one pastor said, He can make it better than before, because many of us do not want back what we had because it was not good to start with.
I am pasting a link here to a song used by the above mentioned pastor in his sermon. http://youtu.be/ECGZz5ScfL8
In the relationships I had before my husband, I was called many things...one most common name was "crazy" and "psycho". Although even at that time in my life I do not agree with the names, I now see why they were said. I was very jealous and that is an understatement. I had no trust for any man, but I always felt fine till things got "serious". I seemed like two different people. One was loving and sweet, the other mistrusting and controlling. No one ever saw it coming...not even me. Which is why I was surprised that when I met my husband I never became that "crazy psycho". Did I EVER get jealous? Yes, a couple times when he would work late several times in a row I would say, " If you are cheating on me, I will kill you." Hey I was far from Christ, and although I would have been heart broken, I was not truly crazy and psycho and I never meant I would REALLY kill him.
Then even that jealousy subsided as I learned his character more. Never really dating each other and being married after a little over a year of knowing each other had us learning things about each other we should have already known.
Now I said I would not mention sins of another person, but I do feel that mentioning we both brought in mistrust to our marriage is important. Both of us had been cheated on and lied to. It was hard at times to look past what had been done to us and see that we were no longer living in that abuse.
Bringing this type of insecurity into a relationship even when on the outside it is not shown, still causes internal conflict which does show it's ugly head on the outside in other forms. One of my boys was diagnosed ADHD, ODD and PTSD with some symptoms of Aspergers as well. At home he has been wild and at times uncontrollable. At school he was calm and cool. He tells me he holds it all in at school then lets loose at home. Dr.'s say this is common because at home, even though there is punishment, children still feel safe so they relax. I said that to say we as people are much like this...it's kind of like squeezing one of those squishy toys, sure we are making one part small but it has to bulge out somewhere else. If I hold in the jealousy instead of "taking out the trash" as one pastor called it, I will erupt in another area.
Each insecurity must be identified, acknowledge that it will cause strife and sin, OWNED, and prayed on...worked on...worked out and let go.
Owning our own insecurity to me is very essential to working it out and letting it go. I battle many insecurities. When I was a child I was a lot like my boy who holds it together at school. Part of what my son and I battle is being "socially awkward". We can over talk, talk over, change subjects, stay on subjects when others have moved on, take over, say awkward things most people do not say, over explain etc. This plus big 80's hair and hairy arms caused me a lot of grief in school. Plus I was usually a teachers pet. I had few friends and those friends never really wanted me over after school. When school was out teachers pet was gone and I was abusive to my friends...I could have been the creator of AFV. I would do Three Stooges type things to them and wonder why they were angry...I mean it was funny...to me. I think I was almost 20 or even older before I looked back and saw what I had done to my friends. Even though this was my problem it caused me to feel alone and singled out. That feeling caused many insecurities, along with the normal teasing kids did. My name is Sheri and I was raised in the time period of WWF and Scarey Sherry...not cool, my last name rhymed with stutter...it was not fun times. But not owning these insecurities would cause me to blame my husband for my feelings of insecurity. He would have to be Jesus to make me feel secure all by himself.
Many men and women have a hard time realizing their spouse cannot fix them. It is not their spouses responsibility to walk on egg shells so that they do not feel insecure. My husband can tell me I am beautiful all he wants and I still see arms that I want to stay tan so the hair is lighter, a nose I never liked, big hips...etc etc. He can't fix what was broken inside me for so many years. This is a me problem, I still battle at times, but now I have a relationship with the one who created me and I see myself more through His eyes and 95% of the time, I only feel ugly when I ACT ugly.
We also must encourage our spouses to work out their own insecurities and not make us their savior. The world around us is full of stress and taking on the burden of being someone's savior, which we can never be, is adding stress to our lives. That stress will add to arguments in the relationship, arguments which may not even be about the insecurity, we may just nit pick something else because the "bulge" is popping out somewhere else.
I deal with insecurities with acquaintances and friends as well. If I may have been taken the wrong way but I was not addressed and someone just pulls away, I want to go and fix things...things which may not be broken. I trust the Holy Spirit in this area now, most of the time I believe I hear " Leave it alone, if they do think this about you, it is better they learn this is not how you are then for you to hunt them down and tell them you are not this way." It's hard, but I can't live my life walking on egg shells either. Most of this world communicates through typing/text now, this leaves much room for misinterpretation. Many people will not call someone or even ask what the person meant, they will just assume it was meant this way or that way. Our lives would be wasted if we spent all the time it would take to figure out the intent of every remark we COULD take the wrong way. We need to just let it go.
All marriages are work, whether we bring our pasts in or not. The key they say, is to NEVER talk about walking out. No matter how mad you are, no matter how emotionally hurt (physical abuse is another matter), you work it out. A married couple is a partnership and both should remember that. They are not enemies they are partners. Couples will not agree all the time, BUT understanding each other is important. There are times I do not need my husband to give in and go with what I want, I just want him to see why I want things to go a certain way. When he gets what I am saying but still makes a different choice I am okay, not thrilled, but I support that choice and it becomes OUR choice. In the area of insecurities, we do not turn our back on our spouses insecurities, we acknowledge them and support them in working them out, but we do not allow ourselves to be blamed for the insecurity.
I realize some spouses have infidelity issues. This would cause an insecurity in a spouse, one in which the offender is responsible for causing. Both parties need to take their share of the responsibility. Although a spouse was unfaithful, that again does not make them the savior. What has been done has been done. The only thing the offender can do is stop, repent, never do it again and be a support as the victim heals. I hope the choice is to always stay and work things out, and if that choice is made then the victim must realize in order for things to get better the issue must be laid to rest. It is amazing the peace our TRUE Savior can bring when we ask. They say He is in the restoration business, and I like that one pastor said, He can make it better than before, because many of us do not want back what we had because it was not good to start with.
I am pasting a link here to a song used by the above mentioned pastor in his sermon. http://youtu.be/ECGZz5ScfL8
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Humbling
Humble as defined by Merriam Webster's Online Dictionary is...
Jesus knew the cup would not be taken from him. He prayed harder, knowing this.
Personally I would rather be living a righteous life close to God with some trials then to go on in blind sin THINKING everything is fine. I want God's will in my life not my own. So a lot of what I have gone through I have literally asked for.
People say "Don't ask for patience", well I did and I have sure been tried in areas where I needed patience, and I prayed for my anger to leave me...well I sure have been tried in those areas as well... The good news? Just like Jesus taking the cup and dying for us, freed us from the law, gave us eternal life and a relationship through Him with the father, my prayers and the trials I have gone through, and are going through, are bringing about major freeing and life giving blessings in my life I other wise would not have had. For me, freedom from bondage is worth the tears and pain it takes to get there, to me not passing on my sins to my children for them to face in their lives it worth my struggle now. I want these sins to stop with me, and my husbands to stop with him...not to be passed down to the future generations.
It is humbling to go through many of the trials I have and must go through, because there is so much I want to take control of and so much I want to say...but through error I have learned, my ways are not His ways and they do not produce the same fruit. I am more harm to situations that I am good..IF I do not do things HIS way.
I have heard stories from many people who have faced similar trials and they are either still in them or it took them 10+ years to get through to the other side and experience what God had been showing them was there all a long. Now there are many reasons for this. One reason is we sometimes are also dealing with someone else free will. Well let's just give that one to God right now because HE is the ONLY one in the people changing business, but still know He is a gentleman and will not take away their free will...that said He WILL guide them into places which break them of their binding sins...we must stay out of it though. Encourage the person through prayer and words of wisdom He gives to us to share at the times He tells us to. Another reason is us, the one thing we can do something about.
Many times I have had to stay silent when my flesh is crying out for justice. The times I disobeyed and spoke anyway, it did no good, in fact it made things worse. Because the person was not ready to receive and they were blind to everything I said, this just frustrated me more. I could not understand how they thought what they did was okay. Sin blinds people...and when we take God's seat we sin as well. I want to hear my shepherd so I do my best to remain silent until told otherwise. A good tool for me is to write out what I am feeling and then either delete it or store it somewhere out of the way. This way I feel I have communicated what I feel without pushing it off on someone else. One time I wrote about 6 letters on my pc and sent them all to drafts, each time I got a little less defensive and when it was time for me to actually speak my words were simple and neutral.
Being humble does not mean being a door mat, I am used as a door mat often, but I have learned to set boundaries which protect me in enough areas that I can handle the areas I can do nothing about. For instance if someone is demanding my time and I do not have it to give, I say no. They may get angry, that is between them and God. By saying no I have limited undue stress from that situation. So then someone lies to me, I can't stop that from happening so with less stress from other areas I can handle what I am not in control of better. After prayer and my feelings subsiding I can confront the person and explain what the effect of their lie. This in itself will more than likely not change them, but I have brought it to their attention then I let go and let God.
One last bit on this blog post. I have also learned not to be an investigator. It does me no good to search for lies and deceit. It hurts me more than it helps the other person. God can do a work in someone without them ever even knowing I knew they lied to me. Now in the case the person lying is not a friend or older family member but a child it is important to guide them on the path of being an honest person.
For many people they find it TOO hard to be humble...but the longer we waste our time on that, the longer it takes us to get the break through we need in our relationships and our lives.
Now is the best time to make a change and get some support people...tomorrow never comes for the procrastinator.
2
: reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission <a humble apology>
Let me tell you it took some time...technically going by the age of accountability it was about 22years, going from when I gave my life to Christ it was about 5 years, before I really started getting this.
I am the kind of person who asks for trials if it is going to work out something in me. Luke 22:41 He withdrew about a stone's throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, [42] "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." [43] An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. [44] And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.
Let me tell you it took some time...technically going by the age of accountability it was about 22years, going from when I gave my life to Christ it was about 5 years, before I really started getting this.
I am the kind of person who asks for trials if it is going to work out something in me. Luke 22:41 He withdrew about a stone's throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, [42] "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." [43] An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. [44] And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.
Jesus knew the cup would not be taken from him. He prayed harder, knowing this.
Personally I would rather be living a righteous life close to God with some trials then to go on in blind sin THINKING everything is fine. I want God's will in my life not my own. So a lot of what I have gone through I have literally asked for.
People say "Don't ask for patience", well I did and I have sure been tried in areas where I needed patience, and I prayed for my anger to leave me...well I sure have been tried in those areas as well... The good news? Just like Jesus taking the cup and dying for us, freed us from the law, gave us eternal life and a relationship through Him with the father, my prayers and the trials I have gone through, and are going through, are bringing about major freeing and life giving blessings in my life I other wise would not have had. For me, freedom from bondage is worth the tears and pain it takes to get there, to me not passing on my sins to my children for them to face in their lives it worth my struggle now. I want these sins to stop with me, and my husbands to stop with him...not to be passed down to the future generations.
It is humbling to go through many of the trials I have and must go through, because there is so much I want to take control of and so much I want to say...but through error I have learned, my ways are not His ways and they do not produce the same fruit. I am more harm to situations that I am good..IF I do not do things HIS way.
I have heard stories from many people who have faced similar trials and they are either still in them or it took them 10+ years to get through to the other side and experience what God had been showing them was there all a long. Now there are many reasons for this. One reason is we sometimes are also dealing with someone else free will. Well let's just give that one to God right now because HE is the ONLY one in the people changing business, but still know He is a gentleman and will not take away their free will...that said He WILL guide them into places which break them of their binding sins...we must stay out of it though. Encourage the person through prayer and words of wisdom He gives to us to share at the times He tells us to. Another reason is us, the one thing we can do something about.
Many times I have had to stay silent when my flesh is crying out for justice. The times I disobeyed and spoke anyway, it did no good, in fact it made things worse. Because the person was not ready to receive and they were blind to everything I said, this just frustrated me more. I could not understand how they thought what they did was okay. Sin blinds people...and when we take God's seat we sin as well. I want to hear my shepherd so I do my best to remain silent until told otherwise. A good tool for me is to write out what I am feeling and then either delete it or store it somewhere out of the way. This way I feel I have communicated what I feel without pushing it off on someone else. One time I wrote about 6 letters on my pc and sent them all to drafts, each time I got a little less defensive and when it was time for me to actually speak my words were simple and neutral.
Being humble does not mean being a door mat, I am used as a door mat often, but I have learned to set boundaries which protect me in enough areas that I can handle the areas I can do nothing about. For instance if someone is demanding my time and I do not have it to give, I say no. They may get angry, that is between them and God. By saying no I have limited undue stress from that situation. So then someone lies to me, I can't stop that from happening so with less stress from other areas I can handle what I am not in control of better. After prayer and my feelings subsiding I can confront the person and explain what the effect of their lie. This in itself will more than likely not change them, but I have brought it to their attention then I let go and let God.
One last bit on this blog post. I have also learned not to be an investigator. It does me no good to search for lies and deceit. It hurts me more than it helps the other person. God can do a work in someone without them ever even knowing I knew they lied to me. Now in the case the person lying is not a friend or older family member but a child it is important to guide them on the path of being an honest person.
For many people they find it TOO hard to be humble...but the longer we waste our time on that, the longer it takes us to get the break through we need in our relationships and our lives.
Now is the best time to make a change and get some support people...tomorrow never comes for the procrastinator.
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Walking it out
So the traditional marriage vows never appealed to her until she met her husband. He was not controlling or possessive so she felt safe in making a covenant before God to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for
worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love,
cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance.
Obey...the word before had always sounded so demanding and controlling. But despite the slight mistrust now, she still felt safe agreeing to obey him.
This newly wed couple never really had dated, they had been fast moving in their lives and jumped right into a serious relationship followed by the break and then back into engagement, and with her already having a child at home, they were never alone, except on the rare occasion they asked a grandparent to babysit.
Financial times were tough at first and the apartment they had lived in was condemned so they moved in with his parents. Their things stayed in a trailer and they were all snug as a bug. They were pregnant again, and once again this ended in a miscarriage, number three for her and number two for him. This time her faith in Christ kept her strong and she made it through leaning on Him.
Once they were on their feet again they were able to get a place of their own...which lasted a brief time then they were living with her mom. After a few months they were once again back on their feet and in their own apartment. This time they stayed on their feet. She had been blessed to get to see her oldest boy on a regular basis. Everything seemed to be coming together so well.
Both of them had been working the whole time yet still they were scraping by. They began to feel the "poorer" part of the marriage vows. They were able to get things they needed it just took them longer than before. They were not wise with the little they had been intrusted (Matthew 25:14-28). They went out here and there and never saved...They got pregnant again and it also ended in a miscarriage. This time their was a Christian NP who saw her and she decided to run some tests. They found a couple minor things that can cause major problems. She was put on meds for those things...one day she felt in her spirit God wanted her to stay home and home school her youngest better than she had been while having a job and to teach him more of His word. Her husband had just had a revelation while listening to their favorite radio station. In agreement she quit her job and they tightened the reigns on the finances.
Homeschooling was going better, the house was running a little smoother on her end...things were working out. They still tithed and were able to give here and there as well...all on an income of 35k a year. After just a few short weeks she was pregnant again, this time she called the Dr. the second the test showed positive and she was monitored and given a hormone. Nine months later she had a beautiful baby girl, her husband's first child. She felt complete in knowing she was able to help make him a father.
They had been married almost two years when they got pregnant with their daughter and already those two years had brought the pain of two more miscarriages, and a ton of sin to forgive.
They each had their own sins, she shared hers openly but still was not improving much. Her largest sin was anger. She was under a lot of pressure with her youngest who had began to display signs of Aspergers at age 4. The signs actually began earlier, but they were peaking at this age. She also felt pressure to make things work with the little money they had for their family, and she was for the first time exclusively breastfeeding. She knew none of this was an excuse to be angry AND sin, yet she felt her anger was almost uncontrollable. She read books and went to the altar many times, sometimes she even testified of a breakthrough...which the devil would soon show her was prematurely testified about as he threw more stumbling blocks in her path.
At praise and worship time she could not lift her arms to worship...she knew it was not about who she had been or what she was going through, yet she felt like a hypocrite. How could she raise her hands when she should be able to be a humble, meek and peaceful wife and mother? How could she lift her arms which were weighted heavily with burdens she kept dropping but later realizing they were tethered to her hands and she was dragging them? Prayer did not seem to be working, reading books on being a mother and children with Autism and being a wife who adores her husband and sees the hero in him...none of that seemed to be working. Confiding in friends was not working either...What was wrong with her. "Jesus heals..." she thought..."Please Jesus, heal me of this anger...I know I can control it...but it feels like I can't...I hold it in so long and then I just explode at what seems like nothing." Again she felt alone. When would her talk match her walk?
Obey...the word before had always sounded so demanding and controlling. But despite the slight mistrust now, she still felt safe agreeing to obey him.
This newly wed couple never really had dated, they had been fast moving in their lives and jumped right into a serious relationship followed by the break and then back into engagement, and with her already having a child at home, they were never alone, except on the rare occasion they asked a grandparent to babysit.
Financial times were tough at first and the apartment they had lived in was condemned so they moved in with his parents. Their things stayed in a trailer and they were all snug as a bug. They were pregnant again, and once again this ended in a miscarriage, number three for her and number two for him. This time her faith in Christ kept her strong and she made it through leaning on Him.
Once they were on their feet again they were able to get a place of their own...which lasted a brief time then they were living with her mom. After a few months they were once again back on their feet and in their own apartment. This time they stayed on their feet. She had been blessed to get to see her oldest boy on a regular basis. Everything seemed to be coming together so well.
Both of them had been working the whole time yet still they were scraping by. They began to feel the "poorer" part of the marriage vows. They were able to get things they needed it just took them longer than before. They were not wise with the little they had been intrusted (Matthew 25:14-28). They went out here and there and never saved...They got pregnant again and it also ended in a miscarriage. This time their was a Christian NP who saw her and she decided to run some tests. They found a couple minor things that can cause major problems. She was put on meds for those things...one day she felt in her spirit God wanted her to stay home and home school her youngest better than she had been while having a job and to teach him more of His word. Her husband had just had a revelation while listening to their favorite radio station. In agreement she quit her job and they tightened the reigns on the finances.
Homeschooling was going better, the house was running a little smoother on her end...things were working out. They still tithed and were able to give here and there as well...all on an income of 35k a year. After just a few short weeks she was pregnant again, this time she called the Dr. the second the test showed positive and she was monitored and given a hormone. Nine months later she had a beautiful baby girl, her husband's first child. She felt complete in knowing she was able to help make him a father.
They had been married almost two years when they got pregnant with their daughter and already those two years had brought the pain of two more miscarriages, and a ton of sin to forgive.
They each had their own sins, she shared hers openly but still was not improving much. Her largest sin was anger. She was under a lot of pressure with her youngest who had began to display signs of Aspergers at age 4. The signs actually began earlier, but they were peaking at this age. She also felt pressure to make things work with the little money they had for their family, and she was for the first time exclusively breastfeeding. She knew none of this was an excuse to be angry AND sin, yet she felt her anger was almost uncontrollable. She read books and went to the altar many times, sometimes she even testified of a breakthrough...which the devil would soon show her was prematurely testified about as he threw more stumbling blocks in her path.
At praise and worship time she could not lift her arms to worship...she knew it was not about who she had been or what she was going through, yet she felt like a hypocrite. How could she raise her hands when she should be able to be a humble, meek and peaceful wife and mother? How could she lift her arms which were weighted heavily with burdens she kept dropping but later realizing they were tethered to her hands and she was dragging them? Prayer did not seem to be working, reading books on being a mother and children with Autism and being a wife who adores her husband and sees the hero in him...none of that seemed to be working. Confiding in friends was not working either...What was wrong with her. "Jesus heals..." she thought..."Please Jesus, heal me of this anger...I know I can control it...but it feels like I can't...I hold it in so long and then I just explode at what seems like nothing." Again she felt alone. When would her talk match her walk?
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
The start of the humbled housewife/sahm
Well I would like to say that after the letter was given, the man and young woman made up and dated at a distance, then after some time and counseling they got married and moved in and were a happy family...I mean that was the young woman's plan...but....
After receiving the letter the man and woman met up and they decided to give their relationship a try again. Within a weeks time they had a place to live...together. No counseling was sought. The young woman had a very feeble job but within a months time she was working 40 hours again and doing well considering.
Something was still missing and since all she had wanted since she was a little girl was a family of her own, a family who was close to each other and did family things...like going to church, she asked the man if he would start going to church and he felt it was a good idea. Since she wanted to make a good impression on his family, whom she was sure hated her now, she decided to go to his childhood church, the church where his mother and father attended, and he agreed. They began to go to church. She was taken back by what she experienced at first. She came from a quiet "traditional" church where she had been nudged quite often by her grandmother to stay awake. She never had attended church consistently and knew very little truth about God. The church where they began to attend was a very upbeat church and was great at teaching, not just preaching. Now I can't say quite for sure but I believe it was that night she began to read her Bible again. She started in Genesis and read the part she had some knowledge of, but this time she never put it down.
God became her focal point and she burned with a fiery passion to know more of His Word and more about Him. She went every Sunday and when she found out there was a Wednesday night service, well she went to that too.
The young couple began to go to church in early August and on September 17th at a Wednesday night service, she felt "something" inside her stir and it was a feeling she still cannot explain well but she best described it as a "hurricane twirling inside" she felt she was about to past out, but somehow she stayed still long enough for the Pastor to make it to the front, she felt she knew the next words out of his mouth and sure enough she did. He called out to the congregation, anyone needing to lay burdens down, call on Christ and be filled with the Holy Spirit come forward now..."don't walk, run." Well she was at the front right by the Pastor so she could not run, but she leaped to her feet before him and she smiled, the hurricane stopped, the smile turned to a remarkable freedom she had never felt before and she began to weep. She didn't know why, yet at the same time she did know, it was all the years of living a lie, all the pain and shame falling to the ground beneath her feet, the feeling of being washed in the blood of Christ. Her life was never going to be the same, and that was good. Many addictions were broken that night and she poured out the remaining alcohol they had in their home.
A sermon was taught on relations before marriage...although she could not see either of them moving out away from the other, she did believe it was wrong to be together as a married couple before they were married. They planned a wedding for just three weeks later and abstained until that day.
Before the wedding something happened in their relationship that made her want to run again, this time for good reason. But she had made a commitment and she believed their relationship before that point had bound her to him and she needed to stick it out. She also believed that having been filled with the Holy Spirit she could make their relationship work even if she had to do it on her own. She did not know how to forgive and she was utterly let down and broken, she collapsed on her knees in her kitchen and pounded the floor with her fists and cried out "WHY?" then pounded the floor again and said inside herself "HOW?" and in her mind she could see her many sins and Jesus on the cross. The only difference in what she was facing that night is that it wasn't her sin that needed forgiving. She made the choice to forgive and grant grace, she was honest with herself, God and the man. She explained to him what she had just experienced and how she forgave but that she did not know how she would react in the days following or how easy it would be to trust again. She was surprised, because for the first time she knew of, she experienced a peace that passed her understanding. She did not want to throw his sin in his face and she was able to trust him more than she could have imagined, but still less than the 100% she had before.
On a beautiful day in November on the 15th of the month she was married for the 3rd time and she had the family she dreamed of, just blended...
After receiving the letter the man and woman met up and they decided to give their relationship a try again. Within a weeks time they had a place to live...together. No counseling was sought. The young woman had a very feeble job but within a months time she was working 40 hours again and doing well considering.
Something was still missing and since all she had wanted since she was a little girl was a family of her own, a family who was close to each other and did family things...like going to church, she asked the man if he would start going to church and he felt it was a good idea. Since she wanted to make a good impression on his family, whom she was sure hated her now, she decided to go to his childhood church, the church where his mother and father attended, and he agreed. They began to go to church. She was taken back by what she experienced at first. She came from a quiet "traditional" church where she had been nudged quite often by her grandmother to stay awake. She never had attended church consistently and knew very little truth about God. The church where they began to attend was a very upbeat church and was great at teaching, not just preaching. Now I can't say quite for sure but I believe it was that night she began to read her Bible again. She started in Genesis and read the part she had some knowledge of, but this time she never put it down.
God became her focal point and she burned with a fiery passion to know more of His Word and more about Him. She went every Sunday and when she found out there was a Wednesday night service, well she went to that too.
The young couple began to go to church in early August and on September 17th at a Wednesday night service, she felt "something" inside her stir and it was a feeling she still cannot explain well but she best described it as a "hurricane twirling inside" she felt she was about to past out, but somehow she stayed still long enough for the Pastor to make it to the front, she felt she knew the next words out of his mouth and sure enough she did. He called out to the congregation, anyone needing to lay burdens down, call on Christ and be filled with the Holy Spirit come forward now..."don't walk, run." Well she was at the front right by the Pastor so she could not run, but she leaped to her feet before him and she smiled, the hurricane stopped, the smile turned to a remarkable freedom she had never felt before and she began to weep. She didn't know why, yet at the same time she did know, it was all the years of living a lie, all the pain and shame falling to the ground beneath her feet, the feeling of being washed in the blood of Christ. Her life was never going to be the same, and that was good. Many addictions were broken that night and she poured out the remaining alcohol they had in their home.
A sermon was taught on relations before marriage...although she could not see either of them moving out away from the other, she did believe it was wrong to be together as a married couple before they were married. They planned a wedding for just three weeks later and abstained until that day.
Before the wedding something happened in their relationship that made her want to run again, this time for good reason. But she had made a commitment and she believed their relationship before that point had bound her to him and she needed to stick it out. She also believed that having been filled with the Holy Spirit she could make their relationship work even if she had to do it on her own. She did not know how to forgive and she was utterly let down and broken, she collapsed on her knees in her kitchen and pounded the floor with her fists and cried out "WHY?" then pounded the floor again and said inside herself "HOW?" and in her mind she could see her many sins and Jesus on the cross. The only difference in what she was facing that night is that it wasn't her sin that needed forgiving. She made the choice to forgive and grant grace, she was honest with herself, God and the man. She explained to him what she had just experienced and how she forgave but that she did not know how she would react in the days following or how easy it would be to trust again. She was surprised, because for the first time she knew of, she experienced a peace that passed her understanding. She did not want to throw his sin in his face and she was able to trust him more than she could have imagined, but still less than the 100% she had before.
On a beautiful day in November on the 15th of the month she was married for the 3rd time and she had the family she dreamed of, just blended...
Monday, June 3, 2013
In the beginning...
A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath. Proverbs 15:1
In the beginning there was a broken young woman looking for love in all the wrong places. This young woman had been married twice, she was divorced twice, she had two children by two different men, one of the fathers she was not married to, she had been an alcoholic, an adulterer, fornicator, on drugs, she had been abused in many ways, she did not trust, she was jealous, she was envious of others, she gave up at almost everything she set her hand to, she ran from everything, she was not wise with the finances she was blessed with, she was far from responsible...but she was on her own...she made sure of it.
This young woman...she did have a pure heart. No one ever saw her heart and many swore she did not have one. It was no excuse, she was just confused, she did what she did as a way to shield herself. She knew when her first child was about 2yrs old that she was not living a good life. Not knowing how to change she, on her own free will gave away most of her rights to her child. In her heart she felt she was protecting him. She wanted him to have a family, a stable family. A little over a year later she was married and had another child. She worked hard as the only income for her family, barely seeing her growing boy, missing true first steps, but storing the steps she did see in her own heart as his firsts. She was still many things listed above, but none were as prominent as before...some just dormant. Her marriage ended around her Birthday when her youngest was 2yrs old. This is when she found out her son was not the son of the man she married, what she believed was a cruel twist of fate turned out to be a blessing in disguise. She was now the sole caretaker of her youngest. The father of her youngest saw him a few times and cut out for good...it has been over 5yrs since he was heard from, but still lives close.
On her own again she began looking for love in all the wrong places, she had heart ache and pain enough to fill the earth, she had cause about as much as well.
After about a years time she had enough. She suffered two miscarriages in her life thus far and after the death of her Grandmother she began to look up. She had a calling in her early teen years and she knew she was to follow God, but between caving in to peer pressure and feeling not good enough, she never sought God beyond reading a few verses in the Bible. Although after about 18 moves, the Bible is about the only item which kept moving with her. The Bible had been given to her by her Grandmother who had passed had given her.
On a very dark night when she felt singled out and all alone she made a desperate call for help. She had nowhere she FELT she could go so she called a friend, who did not answer, so she called a contact of the friend. At last an answer...she had a place for her and her son to rest that was not her car. She called this night "The night the angels fell asleep", because she had not yet taken responsibility for her actions and choices. That night was her rock bottom. She cried out for help but no one answered, not man, not angel. In the morning she pretended as if nothing happened, she had planned her escape for hours in the cold darkness. She left with her son and her things, she held her son close as she could, he was unharmed so nothing else mattered at that point.
From that moment on nothing would be the same, The man she looked for, well everything about him changed. She wanted a MAN, one who was upright, honest, clean and had a strong family life. She met a man who seemed to fit that build and she saw him twice...and after seeing pictures of a vacation he had taken she knew two dates were enough and that ended.
She remembered a man she knew whose parents were still married to each other and they were Christians. This is the man she thought she let go. She wrote an apology note to him, hoping for reconciliation, but not expecting anything...
In the beginning there was a broken young woman looking for love in all the wrong places. This young woman had been married twice, she was divorced twice, she had two children by two different men, one of the fathers she was not married to, she had been an alcoholic, an adulterer, fornicator, on drugs, she had been abused in many ways, she did not trust, she was jealous, she was envious of others, she gave up at almost everything she set her hand to, she ran from everything, she was not wise with the finances she was blessed with, she was far from responsible...but she was on her own...she made sure of it.
This young woman...she did have a pure heart. No one ever saw her heart and many swore she did not have one. It was no excuse, she was just confused, she did what she did as a way to shield herself. She knew when her first child was about 2yrs old that she was not living a good life. Not knowing how to change she, on her own free will gave away most of her rights to her child. In her heart she felt she was protecting him. She wanted him to have a family, a stable family. A little over a year later she was married and had another child. She worked hard as the only income for her family, barely seeing her growing boy, missing true first steps, but storing the steps she did see in her own heart as his firsts. She was still many things listed above, but none were as prominent as before...some just dormant. Her marriage ended around her Birthday when her youngest was 2yrs old. This is when she found out her son was not the son of the man she married, what she believed was a cruel twist of fate turned out to be a blessing in disguise. She was now the sole caretaker of her youngest. The father of her youngest saw him a few times and cut out for good...it has been over 5yrs since he was heard from, but still lives close.
On her own again she began looking for love in all the wrong places, she had heart ache and pain enough to fill the earth, she had cause about as much as well.
After about a years time she had enough. She suffered two miscarriages in her life thus far and after the death of her Grandmother she began to look up. She had a calling in her early teen years and she knew she was to follow God, but between caving in to peer pressure and feeling not good enough, she never sought God beyond reading a few verses in the Bible. Although after about 18 moves, the Bible is about the only item which kept moving with her. The Bible had been given to her by her Grandmother who had passed had given her.
On a very dark night when she felt singled out and all alone she made a desperate call for help. She had nowhere she FELT she could go so she called a friend, who did not answer, so she called a contact of the friend. At last an answer...she had a place for her and her son to rest that was not her car. She called this night "The night the angels fell asleep", because she had not yet taken responsibility for her actions and choices. That night was her rock bottom. She cried out for help but no one answered, not man, not angel. In the morning she pretended as if nothing happened, she had planned her escape for hours in the cold darkness. She left with her son and her things, she held her son close as she could, he was unharmed so nothing else mattered at that point.
From that moment on nothing would be the same, The man she looked for, well everything about him changed. She wanted a MAN, one who was upright, honest, clean and had a strong family life. She met a man who seemed to fit that build and she saw him twice...and after seeing pictures of a vacation he had taken she knew two dates were enough and that ended.
She remembered a man she knew whose parents were still married to each other and they were Christians. This is the man she thought she let go. She wrote an apology note to him, hoping for reconciliation, but not expecting anything...
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