Good day...Is it???? Why yes, yes it is!!! Yesterday my day started like most, the usual 10yr old drama, followed by the usual 3 yr old drama all while I tried to get in the Word as much as I can. I had a Dr. appt. that day which was late in the day so I had plenty of time for breakfast and lunch...so I thought. Breakfast went off without a hitch and when it came time for lunch I was still changing poopy diapers and chasing a 3 yr old for her shower, which she was still afraid of after getting water in her ears once.
I am going to mention my husband in this post, not to talk ill of him but to say " I get it" In the next portion of this blog it is important to realize my husband was home at this time but he was not aiding me. I believe as I look back at this day as if I were a "fly on the wall" and get a vision of a revolving door that is spinning on it's own and it has been hooked up to " the Binford 5000", so in other words it is spinning like a top. Knowing that he loves me and would not just be looking on as I struggle intentionally, I can imagine he may have seen me as that revolving door spinning at an alarming rate and he wanted to "jump in" but had no idea if he did would he hit a door or find the opening. I can also tell you that after seeing him see me struggle and not jump in I have flown of the axis and whacked him because he didn't jump in and I have allowed him to jump and think he was safe, only to whack him in the back and push him inside the door with no seeming way out. Not my finest moments, but we recover by admitting our sin, repenting of it and not returning....Lord help me!
Back to the struggle, during the changing of the last poopy diaper I had to take that pooh and place some into a specimen container and store it till I was leaving for my appointment at which time I would drop it off at the lab since my appointment was in the same building. Next I was ready to devote myself to the cornering and showering of my 3 yr old. She used to be scared of having her hair washed but then I came up with a song for her " Look up to the sky Madalyn.....Look up to the sky, oh look up to the sky, look up to the sky Madalyn...."and this worked wonderfully for months, almost a year even... BUT then I slipped one day and the shower sprayed in her ear...ever so gently in her ear, but the feeling was unpleasant enough that she began to yell at me ever since " No I won't look up into the sky Madalyn....I don't wanna look up into the sky!!! I scared!" Now not only is washing her hair a difficulty, just getting her into the shower takes a lot and often we both end up wet. Today was no different, even though I pulled out all the stops. I had a sponge animal bath buddy, a baby sling, wash rag etc, none of that worked then I finally found a method which stopped her screaming and fighting and we went with it...then the water went up her nose....ugh new fear! Once the drama subsided and we were all ready to leave the road trip was very quiet as both children fell asleep.
When we arrived at the clinic I saw my toddler dancing in the wind. With partial hearing loss and a nice brisk breeze blowing across my ears I thought she said she was cold...We get in the building and she is dancing still, she needs to potty. We hurry to my appointment that we are 3 minutes late to. I go to check in and someone else was already waiting to check out, the receptionist calls them over ahead of me and we dance some more....Finally I give up and tell her to remember us because we were here before it was too late. We rush to the bathroom and she REFUSES to go. We had conquered her fear multiple times and she had gone potty in the public restrooms many times...but today was not the day. I went to show her it was okay, she still refuse, since I was holding my baby because, come on, it's a public restroom, yuck! My pants now undone and with their snug fit I was forced to put my baby on the floor. She then tells me she has poohed in her pants, my poor baby :( I had to lay her on the floor and we ditched the dirty undies. I then sanitized us all and we left the room. After leaving the room I could tell something was really up, unlike other times of fear she was about to lose control. I kept begging and pleading with her, she refused her need to go but her face was getting more and more painful and she was turning pale. I wanted to at least get one of her brother's diapers on her, but we were called back to the room and the Dr. was about to visit at any moment...then it happened. My sweet little baby, had poohed in her pants again and this time it was bad. I carried her and her brother and the diaper bag, about 70lbs down the long hall to the bathroom. I called the Dr. Office and let them know where I was, the receptionist tells me she will let them know if I am called back and ends the call....NOOOO I have been called back, OHHHHH... I call back and better explain and finally someone gets it. All the while on the phone I have my baby(oh yah he is a sitter and can stand) on the floor and my toddler down again and cleaning her with a million wipies I have to dispose of in the trash bag. I had to put her in her brothers pants. He wears 24months and she wears 5slim :( SO she is wearing capri leggings and a diaper....BUT she is clean. I gave up a little at that point and threw the garage sale jeans in the trash too...I did not have time to rinse and bag them. I tied the garbage bag in a knot and after sanitizing us all again I left the bathroom and let the woman in the nearby office know the bathroom needed clean and a brief reason why so that it was not dismissed. She curled up her nose at me and let me know " I will call housekeeping". But of course I would never expect her to clean it, smh, but seriously I knew they would call someone else that is why I said "someone will need to be called to clean the restroom because...." so we walk back to the Dr. office my resilient princess is enjoying her capri pants and seems as if none of the previously frightening and sad times for her just happened. I passed the Dr. and he did not look pleased...Oh well, lol does he think I was pleased? He enters and says "You have the family today." I said "half of them" I should have said " half and I thought about bringing them and the dog! But resisted. We discuss my tumor and my plan, all while I stand because my daughter thinks someone is outside and they need in, so she is trying to open the door. She then gets into my phone and starts showing the Dr. our pictures...oh nice. Having three of his own he does well with this.
After the appointment we drop off the specimen at the lab and then head to patient accounts. Our hospital has a program for people who make below a certain level of income where they cover their bills. This program exists because the hospital wants to keep it's tax exempt status. We came from "poverty level" up to being able to afford our own insurance finally. I was so proud we went from a two income "poverty level" income to a ONE income "lower middle class"and did not need government insurance. Yet we still needed medical help, having a child with allergies, melanoma surgery, precancerous excision and a tumor is not really affordable preventive care. After receiving bills and calling to find out the hospital assistance would not pick up the remainder the insurance had not, I decided I needed to speak with someone face to face because they must not be understanding that our insurance is NOT out of network. The lady is also not thrilled with my children's presence in her office as my toddler gets dangerously close to her decorations before I reach her. While fighting the children I am trying to explain our insurance...I am shut down. Our insurance is not out of network for some of their Dr.s but it is for others, so those are not covered...Say what??? So when I had NO insurance and they had to pay the whole bill themselves it was okay...but since my insurance is out of network for some Dr.s they will not cover the remainder??? Oh my. With tear filled eyes I packed the toddlers toys and she and her leggings left the room with her polite and patient mommy and brother. As I entered the hallway about to let the tears silently fall...I felt God's presence. Just as my husband is not the family's provider, the hospital is not my savior and we have favor with the MOST high God who is able to help us through this debt, it is not as if we were careless and incurred this debt. We will be just fine. I then began to smile...feeling like a spiritual giant because after all I had gone through already in that day I was still polite and smiling. I had grown so much from where I had been!
I make a drop off at our family's house and we are off to the pharmacy, where I am behind two other people, time ticks away and then it is my turn. There is no one at the window. Hmmm??? I wait and wait then realize I am supposed to push the service button. After pushing the button a friendly young man turns around and holds up the universal one moment sign. I wait patiently. When the young man makes it to the window he is smiling ear to ear and apologizes for my wait. Who could be angry? This man is smiling so large it is almost comical. I chuckle and say it's okay, all through the transaction he is smiling as if he is THE happiest man in the world. Each one of his words has a smile in it yet it is not theatrical, they are very believably happy words. I got his name and I am letting the manager know what an asset he is. I could not help but smile after that transaction. There is a song that goes" What if everyone was like my friend Jesus?" I think about how my days would go if I was always Jesus to other people and what if they were in turn Jesus to me...WOW, my cheeks would hurt from smiling.
As I reflect on that day I am reminded that "I'm not who I was". I am not where I need to be yet, but I am learning and that is beautiful. I am so thankful for God's patience and strength. Later I wrote a blog and did not sense it was ready to post so I waited. After waking today I realized why I needed to wait. I watched a message from Joyce Meyer again confirming to me again that my daily struggles, which sadly are much like the above and even worse at times, (and that one had a ton left out), are not against the people who may be rude or the circumstances even, they are against the enemy. Praise God I am getting this down in my spirit more and more, so I stand strong.
Christian Warfare
10 Finally, be strengthened by the Lord and by His vast strength. 11 Put on the full armor of God so that you can stand against the tactics of the Devil. 12 For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens. 13 This is why you must take up the full armor of God, so that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having prepared everything, to take your stand. 14 Stand, therefore,
with truth like a belt around your waist,
righteousness like armor on your chest,
15 and your feet sandaled with readiness
for the gospel of peace.
16 In every situation take the shield of faith,
and with it you will be able to extinguish
all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
17 Take the helmet of salvation,
and the sword of the Spirit,
which is God’s word.
righteousness like armor on your chest,
15 and your feet sandaled with readiness
for the gospel of peace.
16 In every situation take the shield of faith,
and with it you will be able to extinguish
all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
17 Take the helmet of salvation,
and the sword of the Spirit,
which is God’s word.
