In or Out, Trusting and Drawing Nearer

I've been in the valley and under attack for sometime now and I have come to a turning point...I believe.  Whether I am in or out of God's will for me no one would know for sure but God. I continue to dig in and draw near.  Wanting to scream out but still holding it together, I go to turn for help from people and realize that there is no one to turn to...not because the people in my life are not supportive but because Only God Knows...people can assume or draw conclusions that are inaccurate and only frustrate me as I try to explain how it is not the way they think it is...it would appear I was defensive. Knowing how a simple phone call could end in strife,  I put down the phone and turn to God...Who I had already been turning to but now realizing HE is the ONLY one that gets me completely and the only one that knows 100% what I go through in a day, He knows if I am in His will or just doing what I think is right.  Only He knows if I am like Joseph and just suffering because it is part of this walk or if I am suffering because I am like Jonah and I am out of His will...or maybe like Job.  There is no doubt that this valley has been working some tough issues out of me and I am very thankful to be growing, but that still does not make it any easier and if it were easy no one grow.  I totally understand the term growing PAINS.


So...if you are one of the uhhh 3-14 people that read this and you are in the valley...look me up...no j/k  but really you are not alone and though we may not speak about our pains together, I get you and I am praying in the spirit for you.  Keep the faith don't give up and don't give in, not even an inch.  When this passes we will be giants in so many areas and the testimony and ministry that will come from this will know no limits.  

Psalm 42

¹ As the deer longs for streams of water,
    so I long for you, O God.
² I thirst for God, the living God.
    When can I go and stand before him?
³ Day and night I have only tears for food,
    while my enemies continually taunt me, saying,
    “Where is this God of yours?”

⁴ My heart is breaking
    as I remember how it used to be:
I walked among the crowds of worshipers,
    leading a great procession to the house of God,
singing for joy and giving thanks
    amid the sound of a great celebration!

⁵ Why am I discouraged?
    Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
    I will praise him again—
    my Savior and ⁶ my God!

Now I am deeply discouraged,
    but I will remember you—
even from distant Mount Hermon, the source of the Jordan,
    from the land of Mount Mizar.
⁷ I hear the tumult of the raging seas
    as your waves and surging tides sweep over me.
⁸ But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me,
    and through each night I sing his songs,
    praying to God who gives me life.

⁹ “O God my rock,” I cry,
    “Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I wander around in grief,
    oppressed by my enemies?”
¹⁰ Their taunts break my bones.
    They scoff, “Where is this God of yours?”

¹¹ Why am I discouraged?
    Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
    I will praise him again—
    my Savior and my God!

Philippians 3:13-15

No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. Let all who are spiritually mature agree on these things. If you disagree on some point, I believe God will make it plain to you. 

http://youtu.be/9pv5wVS7yzk

Forgiven Loved and Victorious

Occasionally I believe that reminiscing about the "old days" would be nice and I take a trip down memory lane.  On this trip my mind begins to chase rabbits and get lost in stinkin thinkin..." Oh that was fun that time we raced...but then I did something stupid, I can't believe I did that.  I am so happy I am not that person anymore...Oh look I remember that place I used to walk by there all the time...and I did that other thing then too, that was stupid, people were horrible to me and I was aways so depressed..." and so on. 

I am making it a point now to avoid places that send my mind down memory lane, at least the places that send my mind off to the times I had been a hurtful person and times I had been hurt.  I have made amends when possible and asked forgiveness from those I was able to and from God, I have also given forgiveness to those who wronged me, knowingly or unknowingly... I have NO need in revisiting past pains.  These tried and true scriptures fit here...

Philippians 4:8

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

2 Corinthians 10:4-5

⁴ since the weapons of our warfare are not worldly, but are powerful through God for the demolition of strongholds. We demolish arguments ⁵ and every high-minded thing that is raised up against the knowledge of God, taking every thought captive to obey Christ. 

Through Christ's strength, I have come too far to look back and He did too much for me to think I am so powerful that my sins are too great and need to be dwelt on and gone over and over.  

I gave my life to Christ, He washed me white as snow...that's all I need to know.  I have to face the fact that I did a lot of terrible things and a lot of terrible things had been done to me, but I do not need to dwell on it.  If others do not forgive me I do not have to carry their unforgiveness, it doesn't seem fair...it's not.  I was granted grace, unmerited favor from God.  I don't give back gifts from my FATHER.

1 Corinthians 15:10

¹⁰ But whatever I am now, it is all because God poured out his special favor on me—and not without results. For I have worked harder than any of the other apostles; yet it was not I but God who was working through me by his grace. 

Luke 7:47

⁴⁷ “I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.”


I testify to Luke 7:47. Once I gave my life to Christ I was on FIRE and I wanted the world to know.  I knew what had been done for me, the chains and burden that was lifted in one moment will never be forgotten.  I may have to cast down a million wrong thoughts a day but I know "I am forgiven and loved." 

 My recent days have been roller coasters from stress to praise.  I don't just praise God when I receive unexpected money, or one of the children eats their veggies, I am praise God when I finally allow the Holy Spirit to speak to my spirit and remind me what I am here for, remind me I am loved, remind me that I love to look at where I have come from after a storm.  I praise Him because I am in complete awe of Him, like today when I asked for prayer and drove off and ended up right in the midst of a test.  A test for the receiving of the very thing I needed prayer for.  See if we want an A on a test, we must first take the test before we can receive the A.  If I pray for peace, I have to learn to get, make and keep peace.  If I pray for patience, I have to build it by facing various trials.  God has shown me just how beautiful this dance we are having is.  Even when I have two left feet, He makes the dance graceful and breath taking.   He has reminded me that even though He delivered me instantly from X Y Z, some things I am left to work out with Him daily till they are pulverized.  I truly would have it no other way.  As hard as it is facing my giants, I love the victory and personally I find victory tastes sweeter when I had to fight hard to obtain it..  The enemy likes to fight battles even though he forgets often that he is about to get the whoppin of a lifetime.

Let us whop on Christian soldiers!
God bless!

http://youtu.be/aNpRjBQAjLc

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