Remember as a child being taught how to color? First we hear "stay in the lines". Then we hear "color one direction". Well this is very similar in life, a child can color a picture anyway they want and it will still be colored, but if they stay in the lines and go one direction it looks nice. We can take bits and pieces of God's Word and live our lives "okay" or we can apply His teachings completely and live a great life.
Just recently I had been doing things to the best of my ability and seeking what God would do in the tough situations I face in my marriage and with my children. I am not perfect, as stated before, I would say of the times I know I have an opportunity to do things His way or my way, I have gone from 50/50 to 75/25 His way/my way. I have noticed that although some of the things I am praying for have not been immediately answered, I have gotten closer to my husband because I am relaxing more and learning how to not let the things which once consumed me do so any longer. In turn I am enjoying my time with him more and I have more time with him, because he wants to be around me more. The children are not losing any love from either one of us, and they are doing well because they are seeing their parents closer to each other. We look stronger to them as a team then broken angry individuals...THAT being said, as usual, the second the enemy sees a marriage getting stronger he tries to add more stress. Stress from any area he can find a foot hold in. For me it usually seems to be the children.
At times I feel as though I am in a circus and I am juggling many things, all is going well. Then I am told I need to keep juggling and spin these plates too....ooookkkkaaaaaayyyy....I am kinda doing it...doing it....hey I got this...now I am told to do all that but start juggling running chain saws too...while blind folded...HUH??? So my juggling and spinning world topples over...to put it frankly...I can handle stress from my marriage, stress from finances, stress from children, stress from outside sources, etc...but I handle it well piece by piece till too much is piled on and then, "HERE COMES THE BOOM!!!"
I lost sight of Jesus somewhere in the stress piling. Somehow I forgot to take the things being thrown at me to juggle and throw them to God. Now He doesn't juggle them for me, but by taking them to Him I can see what He deems worthy to juggle and what He says is something I need to just let go of and release to Him. There are times I throw Him a ball, let's say it is a ball of rubber bands. He takes that ball and removes all the rubber bands I don't need to have on that ball and only gives me back what is mine. For instance, my son has been a picky eater for years. I used to take that burden on all myself. I would prepare a meal, he would refuse to eat and I would then stop eating and go and make him a sandwich or something else. Well I learned through boundary building, the picky eating is not my responsibility it is his. Sure there are foods he truly does not like, but I am talking about the foods he just doesn't like the look of, the smell of or the texture of. I will see him eat these foods at different times so I know he likes them, but just not that night. Well that is something he needs to overcome, not something I need to miss my warm meal over, so I tell him he eats his food or he will go to bed without food, that is his choice. This usually does not set well, but it does USUALLY end well. So some things I juggle God shows me I only need to juggle a small part of. I need to prepare A meal for the family, not three separate meals to suit all picky eaters. So if stress is piling on you too, find out what belongs to you by taking it to God and then leave all that doesn't belong to you with Him. People will resist us not dealing with what they "dish" out to us, BUT that is their issue to take up with God. It may hurt to hear them whine or say hateful things, but in time the relationship grows or it goes...either way we are better off...as long as we are doing it biblically.
As today's plates spun and I juggled my little circus body away, I heard someone say a chain saw was about to be thrown in. Dylan was in the van with me and I was ready to break, his talking and questioning was somewhat like a muffled background noise as I pulled out of a parking lot in front of a person trying to turn in...no real danger but still makes ya feel like a "woman driver"...tears well up in my eyes and I remember there is a voice in the van and it is my son's voice, I can't let him see me lose it. I begin to fight the enemy who is telling me I have a right to let it out now, why do I have to be strong, why do I have to always hold it in, then a song comes on WBGL and I start to hear (not audibly) the still small voice. I hear that my DADDY cares and He saw my whole day and He is well pleased with me. Even in my weakness, He saw me try, though I missed it, He saw my heart. The tears stayed at bay and I saw in my mind my childhood( I love how God can use things from years and years ago), I was probably 12 years old or a little younger. My neighbor/best-friend(boy), my cousin(boy) and I(uhh...girl) were outside of my neighbor's storage garage and we were playing "locked in". One of us would take a very heavy log/timber and raise it up against the door of the garage and once we were sure we had done a good enough job we would tell the others inside "OKAY!" and they would try to get out...yah pretty safe huh? Well I did not have the strength the last time I tried to lock them in and can't remember if they pushed early or if I just let the log slip, either way my hand was smashed between the log I was pushing up and the logs on the ground. When the boys heard my yelp they got out of the doors quickly and offered help. I felt the urge to bust out in tears, so as quickly as I could, I said with my chest puffed full of air, "I'm fine, I'm going to go in now..." I took off for my house and once I made it to my mother I let the tears go. I could not let the boys see me cry. They were boys and I worked so hard to earn their respect and be "one of them". In many ways this memory reminds me of today. I want my children to come to me as I did my mother. I want them to feel safe with me, knowing mom "has it all together". Having it all together doesn't mean mom gets it right always but that mom seeks God and uses the wisdom God has poured out on her. She doesn't have meltdowns in the van over what would seem like nothing to someone like my son who did not see a thing happen to me today.
Me saying, don't have a meltdown around our children doesn't mean we bottle it up. It means we act as responsible adults, taking what we feel to God and a few we can confide in. Not every listening ear is the right ear to share with. It also means that we need to sort out things in our lives which cause us undue stress and let those things go. I am in the process of sorting things out and the enemy loves to attack when he sees us making progress. I have the victory already, through Christ, so I claimed that victory in my van and I drove home tuned back into my son and praising Him.
Little by little, inch by inch I am getting my part of this house in order and it feels great.
Proverbs 14:1
Every wise woman builds her house, but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands.
James 1:19
[ Hearing and Doing the Word ] My dearly loved brothers, understand this: Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger,
Galatians 5:22-23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law.
James 1:19
[ Hearing and Doing the Word ] My dearly loved brothers, understand this: Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger,
Galatians 5:22-23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Galatians 5:1
[ Freedom of the Christian ] Christ has liberated us to be free. Stand firm then and don’t submit again to a yoke of slavery.
Romans 8:15
For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption, by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father!”
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