No matter the stress placed on me for the day, I am an adult and more importantly a Christian. I have a never ending source for peace and joy...SHOULD I choose to seek Him. As hard as it is to allow change to take place in this area of my life...because I have made it habit, I must allow the change and actively seek Him for my help. Reading His Word and praying often. My yelling does not get them to obey, but it DOES teach them yelling is how we get our point across. What is even harder at this point is even when I stop yelling I have taught my 8yr old that yelling is what we do and he is not as mature so it takes him more time....which in turn is still effecting my 2yr old, and makes it even harder for me not to yell back.
At first I never thought about my yelling, I only focused on my intent. Then God shined a light on it and I started to notice my behavior and it's impact. Then I began to think "I can't let people know I do this...What would others think?" Now I honestly could care less what others think, God knows and it is damaging my children's growth. I also found out, mothers who yell are not as uncommon as I thought. There is even a page for support on Facebook now, I joined.
It seems even as adults...and it's NOT just me, we still have childish tendencies. I expect my children to get something that after 34years of life I STILL haven't completely gotten. Especially my 8 yr old. He has struggled so much in the past and is such a truly sweet and amazing boy. God has poured out His wisdom mightily on this child. When I can respond to his meltdowns with understanding, encouragement while still being a CONSTRUCTIVE disciplinarian I notice his symptoms "dim". They are not glaring any longer. In those moments he is not healed yet his anger and hyper activity are very decreased as opposed to when mom blows a gasket and yells back.
When Peter called out to Jesus who was walking on the water and then went out on the water himself I always wanted to think "If I were Peter and had seen what he saw, I would have not looked at the waves." But I am "Peter" I have seen what he saw...not miracle for miracle, but I see what happens when I seek Him and I know what happens when I don't, yet still almost daily I will start out on the right foot. As the day wears on things of this world press on me and the more things that pile up the more I focus on the pile and the less I focus on Him. In calm moments like right now it is so easy to say this...and so easy to feel like I will not miss it again...but my children are now up stirring and things have already began to lay at my feet, these things are either starting today's "pile" or I am going to end this and pray and sort through the starting pile. I hear my 2yr old upset and not "getting her way" so today...I end this and go work on what is there now and keep it low so I can focus easily on Jesus.
Matthew 14
26 When the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost!” they said, and cried out in fear.
27 Immediately Jesus spoke to them. “Have courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
28 “Lord, if it’s You,” Peter answered Him, “command me to come to You on the water.”
29 “Come!” He said.
And climbing out of the boat, Peter started walking on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the strength of the wind, he was afraid. And beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me!”
31 Immediately Jesus reached out His hand, caught hold of him, and said to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” 32 When they got into the boat, the wind ceased. 33 Then those in the boat worshiped Him and said, “Truly You are the Son of God!”
James 3:17
But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits, without favoritism and hypocrisy.
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