Swallow pride...but be sure to cut it in half FIRST.

Oh my, oh my, oh my...Is it ever so hard to swallow pride when we have to apologize to a person who actually owes us an apology too.  Especially when we have had to apologize before to that person and they have said things like " Yes, I knew you would come to and apologize...you are forgiven." and they themselves never own their part in the wrong doing.  (Warning sensitive people do not read)  It's like someone backing over your precious companion( cat, dog etc) and once the grieving settles you go to them and say, " I am sorry _______ got out.  I should have taken extra precautions to secure them.  I hope you are doing okay and know I do not blame you, it was an accident."  To which the person says, " Yah, ___________  would still be here if you didn't leave your windows open to air your home on a beautiful day.  Poor thing could still be here...sigh." 
For me when people act this way my flesh screams out.."AHHHHH!!!! Why did I just apologize to them?  They always think they had NO blame. " I have no trouble, when I know I had fault, apologizing to people who are at least not arrogant.  For those few who no matter how often they are wrong always believe everyone else is at 100% fault...I find myself dragging my feet and praying for strength to say sorry with heart.  Other wise I either don't apologize or I apologize like my children...head down kicking rocks and pouting...
".SORRY...hmmmh".  The apology is not heart felt, it is fake.

Growth...it is what is at stake here.  Healing...it is at stake here.  Blessings...are at stake here.  I am I really willing to miss out on all the above over pride?  Because that is what it truly boils down to.  If I do not own MY part then I let pride block me and I am not following what I know God is telling me to do.  In some cases apology to another is not possible, everything is always between us and God.  "One size does not fit all." 

Growth:  I am possibly missing out on growth because if I do not apologize, I am not truly owning my part.  Also if I know the person well enough to apologize then they know me well enough to know I am a Christian and that means my lack of apology is a misrepresentation of Christ.  " And they call themselves a Christian."  I am guilty of saying that before...before it was said about me.  We cannot forget Christian does NOT equal perfect, there are some things we should know better than to do...we should not see Christians purposefully lying, cheating, stealing etc...but at any rate FORGIVENESS and GRACE trump all sin...ALL sin.  Repentance is important BUT God is the judge of the heart...not us.  We have got to own our part and let go and let God for their part.  Owning my part helps me to ask for forgiveness from God and for me to seek His help in cleaning out that area of my life..." Lord please help me to be strong and not react when they say hurtful words." etc.

Healing:  When I know I have asked for forgiveness, no matter whether it was accepted gracefully or not, I am free!  What I did no longer weighs on me, and if it tries to I remind shame who my God is!  There are times I have asked for forgiveness YEARS after I did something...I just either finally swallowed my pride or I finally realize I was wrong.  The times I remembered to ask years later I either got an "oh...I forgot all about that." or no response at all...which is fine...it is not about their response, it is about my healing.  Making myself free for the work He has for me, not being bound by my sin and shame.

Blessings:  Yah, blessings are at stake.  Sin is sin is sin is sin.  It doesn't matter if someone has picked me apart all day long, if I snap on that person and curse etc...I have sin in the matter too.  Sin separates us from God.   Jesus is the bridge, by His death I can have a relationship with God and I simply ask for forgiveness, no need to sacrifice an animal, I just ask, Jesus made the way.  I don't want to be separated from God because I can't swallow my pride to apologize to someone simply because they  aren't sorry or because they are going to gloat in my apology...it is NOT about them, it is following HIS way and allowing Him to make my paths straight.


Proverbs 4:11

I am teaching you the way of wisdom; I am guiding you on straight paths.

Isaiah 59:1-2
Indeed, the Lord’s hand is not too short to save,
and His ear is not too deaf to hear.
² But your iniquities have built barriers
between you and your God,
and your sins have made Him hide His face from you
so that He does not listen.

Romans 8:38-39

³⁸ For I am persuaded that not even death or life,
angels or rulers,
things present or things to come, hostile powers,
³⁹ height or depth, or any other created thing
will have the power to separate us
from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord!

 

Ephesians 4:30-32

³⁰ And don’t grieve God’s Holy Spirit. You were sealed by Him for the day of redemption. ³¹ All bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice. ³² And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.

Don't forget the Lord's Prayer, forgive us as we forgive those...now it won't stop us from our salvation...but if salvation is all a person cares about...maybe they should question theirs...where was/is their heart when they prayed and accepted Christ?  Even though the Lord's Prayer was taught before Jesus died for our sins...It was a model prayer for us for a reason.  Ephesians clears the issue of forgiveness up for after Christ's death.  Also the "golden rule"  Do unto others Luke 6:31, would we like people to only apologize to us when we were 100% right and not at all at fault?  If so...we would hardly ever get an apology.  There are VERY few times in life there is not at least SOME fault on both parties.  It is just whether each party is big enough to admit their part.

I went into a relationship with a person once.  I was not perfect, but I was a great friend to them.  I did not know they had been lying to me since day one.  As time went on I caught many lies.  What began to happen is, I started to allow the lies and such to change me...for the worse.  I was angry often, I felt betrayed...how could they lie to me, when I became their friend with such pure intent...THEY DID THIS TO ME!   They made me this angry hateful person.  I could not see that I was allowing them to change my default, which had been forgiveness and grace.  Once I realized I had allowed this, it was a huge process to unload that baggage...I am still unloading it.

I think often of the darkness trying to hide.  I can visualize a room and the darkness is squashed by turning on the light...at least squashed in the areas the light can touch...under the bed the darkness hides, in the shadow of the dresser...even at the edge of the thickly piled carpet.  I am still in the process of "removing the furniture and ripping up the carpet" so the light can reach every area.  Then there is still my shadow to deal with, if I operate in the spirit the light shines through me, if I operate in the flesh I cast a shadow of darkness.


So we need to swallow pride...no matter how hard, He is great at helping us be humble, we should always seek Him.  Our lives cannot prosper to the full extent with guilt and shame following us, and we cannot allow guilt and shame to be covered with entitlement and blame.  Jesus is the only one who can wash away guilt and shame and He said seek forgiveness.  So it is His way...or our way...it's between us and God. 

God bless