A new addition to this journey...

Not too long ago I went into the Dr.'s office for a prenatal appointment and just thought I would ask about an issue I had been having for a few weeks with my lungs which did not seem to be clearing up with time and treatment.  The Dr. listened and said it sounded like pneumonia and was ready to give me antibiotics.  I asked for a test to confirm that I needed antibiotics and it turns out the form of pneumonia which is treatable with antibiotics was not found so I took nothing and continued to eat well and rest.  A week later I was due into my other Dr.'s office for a problem I had been healed of, so I decided to keep the appt. and ask about her thoughts on my lungs.  She requested me to put on a poncho, which I have not had a Dr. ask me to do before.  This was done so she could listen to my lungs more clearly, most Dr.s just go under the shirt or on top.  Mind you it was summer so my shirt was thin anyway. 

The Dr. actually lifted the poncho in the rear to listen to my lungs and when she did she stopped and turned her attention to a mole I had on my back.  I had this mole for years and had it checked a few times starting back when I was in my late teens.  The first Dr. called it a "halo mole", the next few heard what the other Dr. had suggested and shrugged it off and just said for me to watch it.  Praise God this time my Dr. was not as lax about the mole.  She said it had almost all the signs they did not want to see in a mole and suggested I get it removed.  I did not argue I just had her request the procedure and I had it scheduled.  I truly expected it to be nothing. 

Since my Dr. is out of the office on Fridays and I had the procedure done on a Wednesday I did not expect to hear anything till the next week.  On Monday I was checking my Daughters up coming appt time and saw the report was in.  I figured it HAD to be good or it would not be on there at 5:30am for me to read by myself.  I opened the report and was shocked to see it was severally atypical and that she did not get it all removed.  Not sure what the severally atypical meant I tried looking it up since I could not call till after 8am.  Looking it up did not help too much. The one thing I was pretty sure of was that it meant I needed to have more removed. 

I later got a call and the nurse said it was not yet cancer...phew I sighed with relief.  I would soon be called by the plastic surgeons...then I got another call...never mind they can't do it because you are pregnant...Which raised a question in me, what are they doing different?  Why can I have some removed but not the next bit and what happens to it in 3 months time?  So in two days I was due back to have my stitches removed I figured I may have some of my questions answered at that time. 

After I had the stitches removed the nurse told me to wait there the Dr. wanted to talk to me.  I was all smiles expecting to get my questions answered.  The Dr. came and requested we follow her to another room that was more comfortable.  So  my mother and I followed her.  She explained a little bit about what the original results meant, and said they had said "final"...BUT then the specialist decided to look at it, and he/she passed it around to other colleagues and then they all got together to discuss their findings.  They decided to reclassify the mole as melanoma...At first when she said the word I was fine, it is just a word after all.  Then as she went on she was not as cheerful as before, something I believe the Dr.s often do to show they care for us as individuals so they do not seem cold, but it turned my smile to a serious face.  Now I was told this was caught very early so once it is removed there is a great chance that is it and I am done, aside from frequent check ups, then infrequent check ups.  So again I am starting to feel okay, then I hear I get the appointment during pregnancy and that it should be the same as the other before, some local numbing shots and a few stitches...I knew what to expect from the last one.

Then life happens and someone hurts me emotionally and I realize I am not as okay with this new finding as I thought I was.  What is this "melanoma" anyway.  So I read on it, and learn it comes back for many people and when it does it is not as kind the second time. 

How was it I was fine just a few minutes ago?  I was thankful it was found, recognizing the blessing in the lung issue which led to the discovery of what would have been very deadly if not caught soon.  It was because I was seeing the waves around me again...through the diagnosis I saw Jesus and thought about my little testimony of Gods great glory, after the diagnosis when life started happening around me and the selfishness of others came smacking me in the face, I turned from all eyes on Jesus to face my attacker...and I felt broken yet again.  Hopeless, pain from others who had no idea what all I had just been through.  I just couldn't seem to get my eyes back on Him. 

But after letting out my anger in a very ungodly way, I got silent and in my silence I heard Him again.  I repented and let faith fill me again.  I focused on
Psalm 91:16

I will satisfy him with a long life and show him My salvation.

Would I be satisfied with leaving my children without their own mother?  Would I be satisfied with my children being raised by someone else because their father's job takes him away so often?  The answer to those questions is NO, I would not be satisfied...My life would not be long enough to satisfy me.

This entire Psalm, Psalm 91 is very encouraging.  Though there are others who have believed and left this earth premature...I cannot focus on that.  I must focus on His Word and the promises I have been given in that Word which is truth.


I am very thankful to God.


The devil has told me for years I am going to die, he has sent a near drowning as a child, 4 pregnancy losses which all ended with hemorrhaging and one nearly needing a transfusion, a car falling off a jack inches from my head as I was about to slide under, he uses family history of illness and symptoms I experience to try to scare me, and so many other things, now this..."nothing new under the sun".  But I know he is just scared...he doesn't want me to go on doing what I was called to do, he doesn't want me raising my children in a Christian home and helping guide them to become who God has called them to be.  Just like in a game of baseball, the opposing team's fans shout out "no batter, no batter......" etc. the purpose of heckling is to make the person up to bat focus on the heckling and get it in their head they can't hit the ball,  If the hecklers accomplish what they set out to do then the batter strikes out and that one time can effect many more times to come.  We can't let the devil heckle us into thinking we are defeated, it is he who is defeated, his sentence has been sealed.  Again I share

Ephesians 6:12

¹² For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens.

The things and people that come against us are spiritual, people don't usually know they are being used by the enemy, grant them grace forgive and keep the focus on Jesus.  Lock eyes and stretch for Him.

God bless