In the beginning...

A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath. Proverbs 15:1


In the beginning there was a broken young woman looking for love in all the wrong places.  This young woman had been married twice, she was divorced twice, she had two children by two different men, one of the fathers she was not married to, she had been an alcoholic, an adulterer, fornicator, on drugs, she had been abused in many ways, she did not trust, she was jealous, she was envious of others, she gave up at almost everything she set her hand to, she ran from everything, she was not wise with the finances she was blessed with, she was far from responsible...but she was on her own...she made sure of it.

This young woman...she did have a pure heart.  No one ever saw her heart and many swore she did not have one.  It was no excuse, she was just confused, she did what she did as a way to shield herself. She knew when her first child was about 2yrs old that she was not living a good life. Not knowing how to change she, on her own free will gave away most of her rights to her child.  In her heart she felt she was protecting him.  She wanted him to have a family, a stable family. A little over a year later she was married and had another child.  She worked hard as the only income for her family, barely seeing her growing boy, missing true first steps, but storing the steps she did see in her own heart as his firsts.  She was still many things listed above, but none were as prominent as before...some just dormant.  Her marriage ended around her Birthday when her youngest was 2yrs old.  This is when she found out her son was not the son of the man she married, what she believed was a cruel twist of fate turned out to be a blessing in disguise.  She was now the sole caretaker of her youngest.  The father of her  youngest saw him a few times and cut out for good...it has been over 5yrs since he was heard from, but still lives close. 

On her own again she began looking for love in all the wrong places, she had heart ache and pain enough to fill the earth, she had cause about as much as well.


After about a years time she had enough. She suffered two miscarriages in her life thus far and after the death of her Grandmother she began to look up.  She had a calling in her early teen years and she knew she was to follow God, but between caving in to peer pressure and feeling not good enough, she never sought God beyond reading a few verses in the Bible.  Although after about 18 moves, the Bible is about the only item which kept moving with her.  The Bible had been given to her by her Grandmother who had passed had given her.

On a very dark night when she felt singled out and all alone she made a desperate call for help.  She had nowhere she FELT she could go so she called a friend, who did not answer, so she called a contact of the friend.  At last an answer...she had a place for her and her son to rest that was not her car.  She called this night "The night the angels fell asleep", because she had not yet taken responsibility for her actions and choices.  That night was her rock bottom.  She cried out for help but no one answered, not man, not angel.  In the morning she pretended as if nothing happened, she had planned her escape for hours in the cold darkness.  She left with her son and her things, she held her son close as she could, he was unharmed so nothing else mattered at that point. 

From that moment on nothing would be the same,  The man she looked for, well everything about him changed.  She wanted a MAN, one who was upright, honest, clean and had a strong family life.  She met a man who seemed to fit that build and she saw him twice...and after seeing pictures of a vacation he had taken she knew two dates were enough and that ended.

She remembered a man she knew whose parents were still married to each other and they were Christians.  This is the man she thought she let go.  She wrote an apology note to him, hoping for reconciliation, but not expecting anything...