This has been a favorite paragraph so far. This goes for marriage and life in general. Christians are not perfect and should not pretend to be. Making mistakes does not make them/us any less a Christian. Condoning mistakes and covering them up and not wanting to turn from them separates us from our relationship with God and it doesn't make us less saved but it does take away from us being DOERS of the Word.
I am amazed at reading these books on marriage at how many men/women want to "change" their spouse into themselves. I firmly believe I would NEVER have married Doug if he was JUST like me. As much as I bump heads with my child who is a lot like me, I know Doug and I would have never worked out. There is a great reason we are different, he sees what I do not as I see what he does not, neither of us "right" or "wrong" , just different. (<also explained in "Do Your Kids A Favor and Love Your Spouse, by Kendra and John Smiley)
When our spouse truly sins and we want that sin removed for THEIR good, that is not trying to "change" them. But we must remember prayer and gentle kindness work, abusive words, hate filled actions or words and actions out of hurt lead them away. Prayer takes time so does gentle kindness, but as I just read while typing this...
Galatians 6:9-10
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.
Prayer does not necessarily take time because God doesn't want our sin or our spouses sin gone from us, it takes time because He is working with our own free will. If Doug wants me to yell less when I am angry with a mound of things coming against me and he thinks yelling at me will solve my anger...he is gonna receive my yelling directed at him. (Doug doesn't yell...just a hypothetical example) Even when we know we are wrong...when we are dealt with harshly by others we tend to go into defense mode. Often we begin to think " Who are you to call me out on my sin...you do ______" and we turn the conversation around and off of us.
So important take aways...do not try to change the fact that your spouse is different...like he/she folds their socks instead of rolling them or he/she drives the speed limit and you speed...but it is NOT trying to change your spouse when they have a sin and you pray for them to remove the sin from their lives and encourage them in gentle loving ways to turn from the sin. (addictions and physical/mental abuse are different issues and Pastoral/professional/legal help should be sought.)
Psalm 38:18
So I confess my guilt; I am anxious because of my sin.
Proverbs 28:13
Proverbs 28:13
The one who conceals his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them will find mercy.
James 5:16
James 5:16
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for
one another, so that you may be healed. The urgent request of a
righteous person is very powerful in its effect.
1 John 1:9
God Bless1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
For me personally even if Doug did yell at me for yelling, I am a person who USUALLY recognizes my sin, so I would still probably stop and take a check of myself, and though the devil would tempt me with taking a look at Doug's sins, I would more than likely not entertain that thought either, because I had done it enough in my past and heard enough wisdom from my elders that "the only person I can change is me." So it would do me no good to look at his sins or to look at his to justify mine. Sin CANNOT be justified. We are told....
Psalm 4:4
We are NOT in battle against the people in our lives, but we must understand the enemy wants to ruin our relationships marriage and other. He knows the power we have when we are in agreement and married and when we stand in agreement as the body of Christ...His church. So he will do what he can, feeding us thoughts of who done who wrong, convincing us we are justified for sinning because of ___________. The enemy will work through us and others if we/they allow him to. So it's best to let our words be few and to pray before we speak.
For me personally even if Doug did yell at me for yelling, I am a person who USUALLY recognizes my sin, so I would still probably stop and take a check of myself, and though the devil would tempt me with taking a look at Doug's sins, I would more than likely not entertain that thought either, because I had done it enough in my past and heard enough wisdom from my elders that "the only person I can change is me." So it would do me no good to look at his sins or to look at his to justify mine. Sin CANNOT be justified. We are told....
Psalm 4:4
Be angry and do not sin; on your bed, reflect in your heart and be still.Selah
Ephesians 4:26
So once again I end with this reminder...
12 For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens.
Ephesians 4:26
Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger,
and we mustn't forget the golden rule...
Matthew 7:12
^ Now this verse needs to be taken the right way too...I would like people to be blunt and frank with me...but most people are not that way...so wisdom is needed, I can't go skipping around expecting great results if I am telling people..."your clothes are too tight" "Your make-up is too thick", " Speeding is breaking the law and the Word says to obey the law of the land. Romans 13:1-7" :D It would not end well for me...I think people would gather in the streets at night with torches and plot their plan to take me down...lol
and we mustn't forget the golden rule...
Matthew 7:12
Therefore, whatever you want others to do for you, do also the same for them—this is the Law and the Prophets.
^ Now this verse needs to be taken the right way too...I would like people to be blunt and frank with me...but most people are not that way...so wisdom is needed, I can't go skipping around expecting great results if I am telling people..."your clothes are too tight" "Your make-up is too thick", " Speeding is breaking the law and the Word says to obey the law of the land. Romans 13:1-7" :D It would not end well for me...I think people would gather in the streets at night with torches and plot their plan to take me down...lol
So once again I end with this reminder...
Ephesians 6:12
We are NOT in battle against the people in our lives, but we must understand the enemy wants to ruin our relationships marriage and other. He knows the power we have when we are in agreement and married and when we stand in agreement as the body of Christ...His church. So he will do what he can, feeding us thoughts of who done who wrong, convincing us we are justified for sinning because of ___________. The enemy will work through us and others if we/they allow him to. So it's best to let our words be few and to pray before we speak.