Dishonor and the "ugly root"

Yesterday did not fall short in lesson teaching.  I very much enjoy when I am talking to someone and during the pause in conversation my ears tune into something someone is saying elsewhere that I needed to hear. I get tonight's title from a tuned in moment .  "People pleasing".  Hearing a Pastor talk about honoring people and how some of us dishonor people, self included, got me thinking about how often I dishonor people who hurt me.  By dishonor I mean I talk about all the the things they have done to me, believe me I have a huge list. 

The problem is, I say I talk about how they hurt me to "vent" but all it does is allow me to channel my negative feelings out and on to someone else, who more than likely is tired of hearing the same complaints day in and day out.  I only feel a relief when I an basically getting angry at the person who hurt me out loud to another person.  Then I feel I have done well because I did not get angry at the person face to face so they did not suffer, but I still look like a fool.  Sad, the person hurt ends up looking like the fool...again. 

Breaking this down I see that I...

•  number one dump negativity in large amounts on people I love and because they love me, they take it and in turn probably pour it back out unknowingly on others,
• number two wear that person out from hearing from me because they know at some point I am going to "vent" my pain to them.
• number three I dishonor the person I am venting about.  Yes they hurt me, yes it was wrong BUT telling someone else how horrible they are is not only making them look worse then they probably are but also making me look like someone who will go behind someones back and talk about them.  Granted I am not making fun of the person, but I am still talking bad about them.

Here is a made up example of how I would not like it done to me.  Again this is a made up example and it is NOT something that actually happened:

Husband comes home from work, house is a disaster from one room to the next, older children are still awake and I am passed out in a chair holding the baby.  Husband did not say anything to me about what he sees but instead takes care of it(yah right lol) and then the next day tells all the men at work how lazy his wife is.  To him that is how it may have appeared but what he didn't know is that on that particular day, I was awake with one or the other of the three children at various points of the night before and I HAD cleaned the house and done all but the dinner dishes but then I sat down for a break and passed out meanwhile the children awake and decide it is a great time for rumpus play and destroy everything I had done.  
Can you imagine how hurt I would have been if my husband had not at least asked me about the mess before telling his co-workers how "lazy" I am?

Now sometimes the person is at fault for the pain or laziness they caused but talking about them does not help them, it doesn't fix the problem, actually it makes it worse because not only were we thinking about how horrible they were, we are no saying it out loud, getting it deep in our minds and hearts.  It is hard to give grace and love someone who we have convinced ourselves is the enemy. 



God is in control, I have seen so much reaping and sowing in my life and around me, both good and bad, I do not have to question if He is going to handle it or not.  Now it does sting when the person reaps of the bad they have been sowing but they are too hard hearted to get why they are reaping it...but I also know just like I am finally starting to get this much....they will eventually get it too.  And I am talking about the people that have to be in our lives, not the ones we can walk away from.  A co-worker is not a choice we make they have to be there, some day they may move on but it is not our choice, a relative is in our lives without choice, a spouse, a child etc.  We can set healthy boundaries but they will still be there.


 It also seems to me, many people also like to relate to others.  One man complains about his wife the next has a better story or similar, same is true about our children, or finances etc.  In the grand scheme of it all, most of us have no one to blame but ourselves and we are actually pretty happy, but we just wanted "Jane" to know we are "bad off" too and to let "Tom" know our wife burns dinners too...etc 


All of this gets into our hearts and minds and pollutes them.  It tends to make us useless and assume the worse of people.
I have seen bitterness in a beautiful person, and IT is ugly.  Bitterness's breeding ground is a heart without grace, a heart that is longing for God to "fix" a situation rather than allowing Him to give it peace, understanding, patience and love.


Is it enough that God knows?  Can I/we be satisfied knowing He is in control?  What good does it do to tell others about how someone hurt us?  If we are seeking prayer we do NOT have to be specific, again God knows and all the people we seek prayer from need to know is the basics.  "I need prayer for myself so I do not become bitter and I need prayer for someone in my life who is hurting me."


None of this is meant to be condemning, quite the opposite.  It is freeing to just trust God, I've done it and know...but I have been picking and choosing the times I will just trust.  Thank God for grace, peace, wisdom...and a brand new day!


1Timothy 2
⁵ For there is one God and one Mediator between God and men, the Man Christ Jesus,
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths.
Psalm 37:5

Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act,

 

God bless!