What is it all for?

I often replay the song of Josh Garrels - Farther Along.   For me this song reminds me that there are so many levels of depth to this life that if one tried to pull all the layers apart they would end up in a state of pure confusion, yet I am drawn time and time again to this "table" where my life lays out before me layer upon layer and I stand gazing upon all the layers and can't stop myself from pulling out the tweezers and trying to separate the layers and find out why I am the way I am, why "this" happens, why "that" happens, why I do "this" when I should do "that", why I allow "this" when I know better, why "this" feels out of my control but "that" is no problem to control and get past... and so on and so on.  I stand before my table and in my vision I can see the tables of others as well and I ask myself, "Am I the only person or at least one of the only people who sees they have areas of weakness which COULD and SHOULD be worked on?"  In no way do I want to attempt to pull the speck out of mt brother/sister's eye when there is a log in mine, but I wonder...do they stand before a table too?  Or are they standing before my table talking amongst themselves?

As I look back at my table I see all of my layers are currently piled on top of my children's layers.  There is a clear distinction of which layers are mine and which are theirs, but some of my layers are beginning to rub off on theirs.  Some of the layers rubbing off are leaving a great impression and some not so great.  I notice my layers still have traces from people of influence in my life, family and other, good and bad.  Some of the layers of influence appear to be washing away others are more clear.  I can see the impressions I left on my children's layers are washing away in some areas as well.  This for me, is one of the hardest things to see.  Seeing this makes me ever aware that ALL I do leaves an impression on my children, and although I cannot be perfect, am I doing ALL I can to show myself Christ-like?  I can answer that with a huge NO.  Sure I may do "this" better than most but there is too much I am sharing which I am not pleased.  For me...THIS is what it is all for. 
 

God blessed me with my particular children and has given me a responsibility to raise them up to follow His ways.  While they are in my care, and even after I have a purpose to be Christ-like in the way I behave and teach.  This calling is a huge responsibility, especially knowing that my impression will leave a mark on their layers and their layers will leave a mark on their children's layers and other people they influence.  The only way the bad impressions are washed away is by the healing only Jesus can bring. It is vitally important to me to leave the best impression I can, yet I can't do it well enough.  Am I expecting to much of myself? Am I not leaning on God enough.  Do I need to let Him take something I am holding on to?  Probably.  I also know I let the "Martha" duties of this life take away from the "Mary" duties.  What else do I know?  Well I don't have a year to tell all...lol, but I do know the devil FEARS me.  he (lower case for a reason) has tried so many times to use my weaknesses against me, expecting me to try to do things in my own strength and fail, and I have done just what he wanted time and time again, and honestly it was not till this moment that I caught him hiding out in "Murphy's Law" again.

I used to think my life was all Murphy's Law, till I began to understand how the Kingdom of God worked.  Thinking about the things that have been happening to me recently, I can see clearly now how the devil has been hiding...sly devil.  I just kept pressing on and trying not to flip out and get depressed, never thinking I did not HAVE to be going through all that powerless.  To share the laundry list of recent disasters would take a century so please just know it was bad, but God's got it now, cause I let go.  Okay that is my "rabbit trail" moment and...I am done. 

I believe it is a worthy question to ask of ourselves... "What is it ALL for? REALLY?"  I don't believe it is the cars, the money, the house etc.  What a worthless purpose.  We can't take it with us when we go and those things will not leave an impression of greatness on the people we influence.  Does Jesus get excited "Boy I can't wait to meet with him/her, he/she had a GREAT house/car!!!" I think not.

So God bless you all and good night!

Matthew 13:44 (HCSB)

The Parables of the Hidden Treasure and of the Priceless Pearl

⁴⁴ “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure, buried in a field, that a man found and reburied. Then in his joy he goes and sells everything he has and buys that field. ~ via biblegateway.com