Did I say I was over it?

Not sure...but did I say I was over "it"?  Cause I don't believe I was. 

My heart always wants to let go of things I have no business holding on to and somethings I have no business even caring about. Every time I open the Word there is something I feel I need to take away for my growth. Every resource I have read and every great speaker/preacher I have ever heard has given me great tools.  As I apply what I have learned to my life I begin to feel I have overcome another stronghold.  Yet often times I fall back into it, little by little.  So little I do not notice I am going back to old ways.

There are many things I was freed from in an instant and I say completely...meaning they may be a temptation but I know to submit to God and not the temptation and I went far enough down the road in the temptation in my past to know there is no life for me on that road.  So it seems, at times, for me,  I need to hit a rock bottom in every stronghold before I am truly freed from it.

For instance we will go with my biggest pet peeve... "The Liar".  I am not saying everyone who has been in my life has been a liar and I am not saying I never lied about anything myself.  What I am saying is I have been surrounded by various liars in my life at all times of my life since I was old enough to know what I lie really was.  My hatred for lies is so deep in me I sin myself trying to unmask the liar and expose the truth.  My hope?  To not hurt again and to get them on the straight and narrow path.  My outcome, a liar is still a liar..."I" can't fix that.  No amount of detective work will ever (more than likely) change a person who lies. 

So let's go back a few lines here... : "My hope?  To not hurt again..."   Let's take a look at hurt...It is said "Hurting people hurt people."  It is odd because in the past I almost always used this directed at those who hurt me.  I hadn't really saw my self as a hurt person who hurt others....but I was and I still can be.

The pain I have felt in my life can, if not dealt with properly, can cause me to judge every person based on what others have done and it could cause me to react to them in a hurtful way...Some say "kill or be killed" well for many of us who have lived a life full of pain...self inflicted or inflicted by others, it is "hurt or be hurt". 

In my many years of playing detective, actively and inactively I learned not that long ago, it was not helping anyone and it was actually hurting me more.  Still the thought of not knowing the truth was getting me so worked up I could barely function, as a mom, a wife, a friend...a child of God...  I think it took three separate times of a Pastor at our church saying "Your ability to resist temptation is in direct line with your submission to God"  before I got what it meant in my life ( I quoted this but it may not be word for word...but this is the meat of it for sure.)  Hearing that sure stung...but I was initially thinking more about my ability to stay away from too much "free time" and things like that.  But the last time I heard him say it I believe I got it...I grabbed it and applied it at least, I may not be healed of the detective tendency but I am definitely surrendering my will to His now.

Being an investigator is something GOD made me to be...BUT I had OVER applied what HE gave me.  In my past I have had two full time jobs where investigating various things was my actual job.  I took that gift and brought it into my personal life where God never intended it to be.   No matter how good I am at playing detective I will never be as good as God at it.  He knows before the person does anything...He knew before they were born, at this moment in their life they would do _____.   He had a plan for this before they were born.  I needed to step out and step DOWN.

By doing just that...stepping out of the way and stepping down,  I have been able to regain more of my life I had given up to playing detective for no pay and no lasting reward.  My husband's lunches are better prepared for his surprise trips on call and I can think of his needs more...which his back and feet enjoy.  My 2 year old can sing the alphabet with me and we play more one on one games, my middle child is completing practice education for the next grade and sharing stories with me, my oldest is being heard and really seen for who he is and who he is becoming more.  My house is staying clean and does not need me to stay up half way into the morning to accomplish the task.  My family/friends get more time to talk (I am a talker by nature too)  I do not redirect the conversation as much to my need to "vent".

See seeking the truth is still important to me...yes seeking the TRUTH is still very important. 

John 14:6
Jesus told him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.

So if there is an area you are struggling in, don't give up.  Keep praying, I still do for this and other areas of weakness.  Pray for Him to strengthen you, pray to be the person He wants you to be and then take the steps to draw nearer to Him and to live your life as if He were you...what would He do in each case?  How would He handle that?  Could He still be a great healer if He focused mostly on _____?  Could He be great at all He was called to do without living life as the Father directed Him to?  We are NOOOO Jesus, but we are strengthened by Him and..."God does not call the equipped He equips the called."  We've all been called to something, and He has equipped us to handle this calling.  He has also done this for us...

1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to humanity. God is faithful, and He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation He will also provide a way of escape so that you are able to bear it.

Whatever your temptation, it is not too great for Him to handle. Seek Him and look for the biblical way of escape from the temptation and take the escape.

Philippians 3:13-15
Brothers, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus. Therefore, all who are mature should think this way. And if you think differently about anything, God will reveal this also to you. God bless